Like many elderly people, my mom is always cold. She always had cold hands and feet and wore extra socks and gloves to keep warm. Now, at 89, she has a new problem - a dowagers hump. She is quite bent over which makes finding clothes difficult. Lately, I've bought a couple of hooded fleece jackets that seem to help. Her stooped posture and the added "hump" mean that many of her shirts and blouses pull down on the neckline. This leaves a lot of room exposed and she feels cold on the back of her neck. The hoods give some extra fabric that she can pull forward to keep her neck warm. It's not the best solution but it's one of a few tricks we use to keep her comfortable.
Showing posts with label elderly assisted living. Show all posts
Showing posts with label elderly assisted living. Show all posts
Saturday, October 17, 2009
Saturday, June 6, 2009
Making decisions for Mom means risking her anger and hurt
Mom has changed, she is no longer the realistic practical mom I grew up with. She is whining, complaining about minutia like the texture of pasta, toast that's too light and watery soup. She refuses to get out and meet others; she makes excuses not to walk or talk. I must accept that she will not make decisions for herself any more, that we must decide on her behalf.
Dealing with this change is the hardest part of helping my Mom. She is the one who convinced me to take a class in logic and explained abstract math concepts of algebra. To realize that our roles have completely shifted is difficult. It means admitting that she is dependent on me to make most of her decisions. It means that even though I discuss things with her, I might make a decision that is contrary to her wishes. She can still understand a smart argument for or against something yet her emotions always seem to win out. She can't always apply reason and it's difficult for me to comprehend how that can be.
I am afraid to make these decisions because it means she might be hurt or angry with me. I feel guilty because I feel manipulative. I know what needs to be done and must get her to come to the same conclusion, some times that means telling half truths or filtering the information I provide to her. It's for her own good I suppose but it doesn't mean it feels good to me.
Dealing with this change is the hardest part of helping my Mom. She is the one who convinced me to take a class in logic and explained abstract math concepts of algebra. To realize that our roles have completely shifted is difficult. It means admitting that she is dependent on me to make most of her decisions. It means that even though I discuss things with her, I might make a decision that is contrary to her wishes. She can still understand a smart argument for or against something yet her emotions always seem to win out. She can't always apply reason and it's difficult for me to comprehend how that can be.
I am afraid to make these decisions because it means she might be hurt or angry with me. I feel guilty because I feel manipulative. I know what needs to be done and must get her to come to the same conclusion, some times that means telling half truths or filtering the information I provide to her. It's for her own good I suppose but it doesn't mean it feels good to me.
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