More ideas for Grandma at Christmas..

This year I don't face the challenge to get Mom a Christmas gift.  She's getting 3 things that will make her life more comfty: 

• a pencil box full of rectractible pens
• several packets of eye glass wipes
• a new fleece jacket with a hood. 

She loves to do cross-word puzzles and pens always seem to disappear - I know the aides take them since she can't possibly use up ink that fast.  I got several packets of pens and used a silver sharpie to write her name on them.  I found an "easy open" pencil box in the school department at a local large retailer and voila - gift #1 down.  I won't give her all the pens now; I'll stash them at home and mail her a few at a time.

The eye glass wipes are a must.  It seems her glasses are always dirty. The aides just don't have time to help residents wash their glasses.  So now she can do it herself.

The fleece jacket will go over big.  mom's got a couple of them already but they are looking ratting and old. She needs a "dressier" version.   I buy hooded ones for her because of her dowager's hump.   The fabric for the hood wraps up and around her neck to help keep her warm.

Some other ideas for gifts:
A "counter top" wreath hanger to hold photo frames.   This is basically a pole rising above a stand with a hook at the top.   Mom can't hang anything on the walls in her nursing home so I got a couple of these.  One sits on the night stand next to her bed and holds a photo frame.  The other sits next to the sink and holds seasonal decorations.

A cabinet hook (think kitchen towels)  to hang a photo frame, decorations or a jacket or sweater.  I found this in the kitchen department.  It's supposed to hook over a kitchen cabinet door and hold a dish towel but it's just the right size to go on the cabinet door or drawer front in mom's room too.  I got one for her birthday and hung a photo frame from it.  Be sure to find the lightest frame possible since you don't want to ruin the hinges on any cabinet doors.

Slippers - especially easy on and easy off slippers.   I got Mom some with velcro closure.  It's necessary now since she lacks the dexterity to tie shoes. 

Gift certificates to the nearest salon for shampoo and set.  I pay for a "resident trust" at mom's nursing home but some families can't afford to do this.   It would be nice if someone gave other residents a $40-50 gift certificate to the in-house salon.  This would get them 4-5 haircuts - it goes a long way toward helping them feel better.

Individually wrapped candy bars.  Do this ONLY if your elder can have sugar. While these aren't as good as a whole box of chocolates, it means that the candy will keep a long long time.  If they're in a nursing home or assisted living, it also gives them something to share with the staff or other residents.


Here's another idea for TIME but comes with something to do:  Get a couple boxes of Christmas cards and stamps then spend a couple of hours dictating messages to friends and family for your elder.   Let them sign the cards and then drop them in the mail.  It will help your elder feel like they can still do something meaningful for others.  And, if they get cards in return, let them know that others appreciate them and remember them.

Help them give something to others: capture your elders favorite recipes and prepare a small book of their recipes for others. If you can, write some stories about their relatives who taught them to cook; to do a craft like quilting or who most inspired them.  Have the elder sign all the copies before you distribute them.  One thing that means a lot to me is a few recipes that my grandmother actually wrote in her own hand.  It might also be nice to have grandma or grandpa write their recipes and scan them in then print them.

Subscription to magazines with large print or some that are good reading:  Readers Digest; or something that will stimulate their brains like Popular Mechanics, literary magazines or National Geographic.  I recommend avoiding things like Redbook, Ladies Home Journal, or others that are about food, fashion or home decorating - really, it's so inappropriate for someone their age, especially if they no longer live at home.

A clipboard with a compartment for documents.   My mom uses this as a light weight lap desk.  It's also a good place to hide pends from the aides!   I attached a strap of ribbon so it's easier to pick up. I drilled two holes in the end opposite the clip, then cut a 7 inch ribbon and poked then ends into the holes.  I tied knots at the ends of the ribbon so that they are inside the document compartment. 

If your elder is still at home: give them coupons to eat out at a local restaurant. Better yet, make a couple of appointments to take them to lunch and then FOLLOW THROUGH!!!!  This is especially important in Jan, Feb and March when it's cold and dark and they might not get much company.

A telephone with volume control on the handset and large numbers.  This is especially helpful for those with hearing aides.  Hearing aids and telephones don't always work well together.   If they want to remove their hearing aide, the volume control will permit them to hear well without it.

What can I get grandma for Christmas.  What can I get for grandpa for Christmas.

What do I get Grandma for Christmas?

Buying gifts for elderly people is tough - they have health conditions that limit what we can give them.   They might want goodies but we should use caution given the rise in diabetes.    This year I'm giving Mom a lighted magnifying glass, some thick fleece socks to keep her feet toasty and a new hooded sweatshirt.    I'm also having her old watch reconditioned so she can wear it daily. No only is it useful, it's some thing very familiar that she had for years.  I hope it will provide her with some comfort.


I've surveyed some friends to find what they're doing for their parents and grand parents.  I hope you'll find some useful ideas here:

• sets of blank cards,  "fat" pens and stamps so they can keep in touch with friends and family
• a new address book - then help them transfer the names and addresses
• photo albums with old and new photos - consider pictures of grand kids on the left page then a photo of  the same grand child as an adult or with their family.   This can help jog their memories too
• Calendars with family photos.  You can easily up load photos to several services (Walmart, Kodak, Windows) layout the calendar and have it mailed to them.  It  takes all of 30-45 minutes!!  Thank Gawd for technology!!
• Photos of them with friends and family - my Mom loves her photos with her and her great granddaughter
• Calendars with their favorite flowers
• If your elder is in a nursing home they;d probably appreciate anything that replicates the things they had at home - family photos, photos of pets or flowers.
• People in nursing homes also need practical things:  lotion, socks, sweaters, undershirts, slippers, tissues to clean glasses, pens and paper, fanny packs or other bags that can easily strap on to walkers or wheel chairs

If you're still stumped call the nursing home and ask the social services or activities director if they have suggestions.   

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what can I get my grandma grandpa for Christmas?  Grandma is in a nursing home what can i get for her.  gifts for nursing home residents. gifts for the elderly .

Sharing Christmas with Mom - what she really wants is time - my time now and her old times too..

The older Mom gets the harder it is to find meaningful gifts for her.  She is very content with so little and I usually buy things as I realize she needs them - new sweat pants, a hoodie, socks, etc.... I'm always stumped at Christmas time - it doesn't help that she insists she needs NOTHING and won't give me any ideas.  I did pick up on a couple of little things that might make her happy - her old large faced watch from home and a magnifying glass.   She always says she can't find the wall clocks throughout the nursing home and complains that reading the paper hurts her eyes. ( I am beginning to wonder if her vision is failing but that's another blog post...)

So - I found her old watch at home and I'll have it cleaned and the band repaired for her.   I'll give it to her at Christmas so she'll know the time.  I also found a light weight magnifying glass with a light.  I think it will help her read the paper and anything else she can find.   When I found it and realized how much it would help her, I bought 4.  I'll leave the extra three with the social services or activities office so that they can give them to the residents who need them most.  

The other thing I'll give Mom this Christmas is time at home.  We'll arrive in my home town on the 23rd and I'll go to get her the 24th.  We can cook together and then we'll sit down to eat together for Christmas Eve.   I hope she'll feel up to attending church that evening but we'll see.   The next day - we'll do it all again but we'll be at my nephews home. These plans mean a lot of work for us - we have to lift her in and out of the car, to the bathroom and wheel her around but we gladly do it all.    When I think of how she feels living away from home, I WANT to make her happy even though it's only for a few hours at a time.   I want to give her some normalcy - I want her to feel the way it was years ago when she cooked for a houseful of people and we all sat down together to eat and drink  and talk loud.   I miss those times too so if we can re-create them for a day or two, then all the lifting and wheeling is well worth it.

Finding gratitude on the roof over Thanksgiving weekend..

This holiday Thanksgiving Holiday is a rough one for me. For the past couple of months, I've been really, really stressed out and finding something positive in each day has been tough.   It seems that anything I attempt is the wrong thing or gets way-layed by something totally out of my control.  Even my Thanksgiving plans were up-ended by snow and bad weather.  I planned to drive 6.5 hours from my home to take my mother to her little house for a meal on Thanksgiving afternoon.  The roads were so icy that the drive took more like 9 hours and it was so very cold that it was not wise for me or anyone else to take Mom out in the wind.  I felt terrible that she'd probably sit in the nursing home with no family on Thanksgiving Day. Now comes the gratitude part...


After realizing that I would not make it to see Mom until late evening, my sister in law and nephew went to join her for lunch.  It was a huge meal with all the Thanksgiving trimmings.  They had a good visit and left Mom with candies, decorations and lots of love and hugs.  I was so relieved she had visitors and that she felt loved and remembered.  Throughout my drive my 2nd other brother called every hour to check on me, it was nice to know someone was concerned about my safety and had a warm house and food waiting for when I got there.

Finally getting home to Mom's I got bad news from the 2nd brother (he lives in Mom's house and pays the bills, which is also something I found to appreciate), the roof had leaked in a couple of places.  A wind storm a week before blew off so many shingles that water seeped through and had stained the ceiling.  Given the cold and wet forecast, a new roof can't be done until after the new year which means more leaks and damage and long term problems.   When my eldest brother learned this, he suggested that we patch the roof until it's able to be replaced.  I was worried because this brother is nearly 70 and known for his wild ideas that don't quite work out too well, if they get completed at all.   But, I had no choice so we made a plan on Thursday night.  On Friday we made a quick trip to Home Depot for some basic supplies - black tar paper in rolls, 2x4's and lots of nails.   We grabbed a spare nephew and the three of us spent 4 hours on the roof, unrolling, over lapping and nailing and nailing this black felt paper.  It was warm enough when we started but the longer we worked the colder it got.  Icy snow blew into our faces and it was hard to hold the nails and hammer but we got it done.  2nd brother stayed on the ground and handed up things we needed - more nails, another roll of tar paper. 

Half way through I realized I was actually ENJOYING myself.  We were teasing each other, working together and laughing out loud WITH each other.   In doing something WITH someone else and FOR someone else's benefit, I'd forgotten my stress.  I felt thankful for family that would pitch in to help like that in frigid weather.  I felt good to be doing some physical work and happy that I hit the nail head nearly every time - no smashed thumbs at all!! 

It helped me to look at all the positive things over the past couple of days - I had a safe drive home when many other drivers ended up stuck in the ditch; my family pitched in to help mom when I couldn't get there, my family pitched in to make her house (and where my brother lives) weather proof and we found something to laugh about.  I found my Thanksgiving on the roof in the cold, cold wind!

Memorial Day at Mom's house was nice, she didn't mind returning to care center

Mom's been asking to see her little house and yard but we've been afraid to take her home.  We didn't want any sad crying scenes or to send her into a seizure if she became too upset.   We've tried to avoid excuses and honestly, it's been too cold or too wet for to take her home until this weekend.   My cousin came over, we picked flowers from her garden and made bouquets for family graves then went to get Mom. She sat in the car while we left flowers on graves.  She got to see each bouquet and know that roses grown in HER yard honored all those we loved. It meant a lot to her. We joked briefly that we placed more bouquets on graves than we had people coming for lunch - a sad statement...

After the cemetary we went to her house where my brothers and other family were waiting.  We had a nice lunch and all sat together at the table with Mom at the honored "head" spot.   She was very happy and ate a good healthy plate of food.  She was especially happy to have coffee and pie after supper - she doesn't get much pie at the nursing home.  

When talking with her before going to her house I used my mantra:  "it's not safe, the wheelchair is too big, the bathroom too small, the doorways to narrow, you can't be alone anymore..."  She can't argue with these..   Mid way through the day she had to use the bathroom so I helped her. I had a plan to do it and walked through it a couple of times the day before. My plan meant moving her from the wheelchair to a seat on a walker then onto the toilet.  We did the same routine backwards to get from the bathroom back into the wheelchair.  I was concerned since each transfer means a risk of falling.  It was SO much work and I was so worried she'd fall or that I'd drop her.  She tried to pull herself up to stand at the sink but could not. She ended up falling back onto the toilet and sitting there for a few minutes.   After getting her re-routed from toilet to walker to wheelchair she said, I guess you prooved your point, I can't use the bathroom.  She was calm, not too upset but just matter of fact. I didn't say I told you so, I just said, .."yup.  I wish it was different but your safety is our priority."

When it was time to go, I told her we'd have to deliver some supper to a nephew, look at his new house and then take her "back". I feared she'd become upset but she didn't. She was just fine and willing to go. It was a huge relief for us all.   This evening, a day later, she asked again, "How long do I have to be here?  Do I have to spend the rest of my life here?"  I applied the safety mantra again then changed the subject.  I have a feeling that I'll be using it weekly from here on. 
Mom says she wants to go home all the time, she makes me crzy nuts.   I am so sick of hearing Mom demand to go home.

1st Christmas in assisted living is ho hum...

Mom's first Christmas Eve in assisted living was bitter sweet.  She was full of "bah humbug" attitude when we went to pick her up.  Even a couple of days before Christmas she was excited for the season. She had some goodies and wanted to share them with hot coffee and good company.   We did that on the 23rd. On the 24th the bright mood she had faded into the blues.  As I helped her get dressed she complained about everything - she's sick of the Christmas tree and decorations; the aides ate her little candy canes too fast and didn't leave any for her; the food at lunch was too tough to cut and she's sick and tired of their under cooked rolls.  She didn't want to go in the wheel chair, she's embarrassed to use it; she could walk if it weren't for "that thing". She wanted her fancy black shoes (forgetting that her feet are too swollen to fit any longer); her hair was mess....etc, etc, etc.   There was nothing to say that would lighten her attitude so we didn't try.  We bundled her up and got her in the car.

At my brothers house my husband and nephew sat her ON the walker and hoisted her up the 3 steps.  (She weighs about 90 lbs now so lifting her isn't bad.)  Once inside a hug and "hi gamma" from her great grand daughter (age 2 1/2) lifted her spirits.   We took turns sitting with her and talking.  We got her a plate of hot food, soda, pie and gave her lots of hugs and kisses.  We opened gifts and made fun of each other.  She was like a different person and enjoyed herself.   On the drive back to her ALF, she got a little weepy and returned to her theme - "If I were home, I'd be fine.  People would come over and I'd enjoy the holidays again."   Over the past two months she's said this more and more.  There is nothing we can say to make her agree that she can't be home.  It takes a fall or something else like that to make her say  - but only once or twice - that she feels safer the ALF.   We don't push it with her and perhaps that's the best gift we can give her - to NOT argue with her.

We never tell her she's forgetful; we never tell her she's weak. We DO tell her that her house and bathroom aren't safe for her any longer.  We ensure that she's as comfortable as possible, we take her out, we go for drives, we visit. We tell her she's loved and we make her part of things.  It's hard to do without getting upset ourselves.   We don't want to see Mom unhappy, feeling isolated or abandoned but at this point in her life, there is very little we can do to make her happy.  Even if she were home she'd complain about the same things - she DID complain about the same things and we all felt guilty because we couldn't do anymore. The fact that she's living in the ALF just makes us feel even more guilt.  Leaving her there room is still very difficult but we also feel some relief knowing that she has help 24-7.  I think we need to work on giving ourselves the gift of REASON and realize that we DO a lot for her.  We try as best we can and that's enough.  We saw our Mom do the same thing for her parents and in-laws. We know she felt guilty then and that the woman she was during that period WOULD NOT want us to feel guilty now.  It's a gift we must realize and accept from her but it's a hard gift to take to heart.  

Mom's missing Christmas chaos and it upsets her

We got to my home town and Mom's apartment this evening.  I stayed and visited for three hours over coffee and holiday cookies.   Mom mentioned three times that she ought to be home baking, decorating and getting ready for company.  Of course, I gently told her that she just can't be at home anymore, she needs too much help.  The second time she said it, I realized that she's sorry she CAN'T do it anymore.   It's not that she isn't HOME, she can't bake, she can't put up decorations; she wants a houseful of people to tend to again.   I know how much I enjoy entertaining and I learned it from her.  For her to NOT be involved makes her feel awful and so very old and incapable.   I don't know how she can stand it.  I fear how I'll handle it when it's my turn.

So tonight, rather than feeling the joy of the season, I'm feeling so bad for my sweet little mom.  I don't want her to feel that she has nothing to contribute.  I don't want her to feel ignored and abandoned.  Tomorrow we'll take her, her walker, her wheel chair and bundle her up for a ride to my sister-in-laws house.  We'll get her settled at the kitchen table, get her set up to peel potatoes or something else and help her feel like she's part of things still.  She'll be slow, we'll probably have to do half the job but it's worth it to make her feel good again even for an evening.

Mother's Day from a distance

Mother's Day has come and gone but my guilt over not being with Mom on Mother's Day remains. I sent flowers two days ahead, mailed a card and called the day before but I've not called for three days....

I've not called because I just have so much to do and I know I'll hear the same thing over and over. The call is not for me but for Mom and I must remember that. She needs the phone call to keep her engaged and to feel loved and appreciated.

I'm sure she had a big day on Sunday. My sister-in-law and niece were making plans to take Mom out for the day to a big family meal. She was looking forward to it and I know they made it a nice day for her. It's a relief to know they'll make sure Mom is okay and gets to feel special and I appreciate their thoughtfulness. If I thank them for things like that they look at me as though I'm weird, like "what else would we do?". We all just do those sorts of things for our parents; it's expected. It would not occur to them to leave her out. I hope I remember to tell them just how special it is to make that effort.