CAUTION: Sores that won't heal may be skin cancer!!!

I've had several family members with skin cancer and can share several stories to drive home the need for regular skin cancer screening but a recent event does a much better job.  I hope that the following story will prod anyone to get a check up ASAP for themselves or their loved ones.  The short story:  a friend's mom had a Moh's procedure to remove all the skin on the side of her nose.  For 2 years, she asked her doctor about a sore spot  and he told her it was due to sensitive skin.  He was clueless and it cost her a lot in medical procedures, pain and suffering - especially the pain and suffering. 

The long version: A friend called in a panic just before Christmas - her Mom had skin cancer on the side of her nose and they had to operate immediately.   She was especially upset because she'd asked her mother's doctor about the sore for more than 2 years.   She finally moved her mom to another state and took her for a check up.  Before her Mother sat down in the doctors office, he asked about the sore on her nose and sent her down the hall to a dermotologist.  She was in surgery within a couple of days.  It was a severe basil cell melanoma and had nearly spread to the skin around her eye.  

The surgery and subsequent reconstruction were gruesome and hard on her 84 year old body.  After all the the skin was removed from the side of her nose, ( Did you HEAR ME???!!!ALL THE SKIN!! from the side of her nose *OH MY GAWD!!)) she had to have a flap of skin grafted from her forehead to her nose.  The bad part is that the flap had to remain partially attached to the forehead AND stitched to the nose. It remained this way - an open bloody wound -  for 3 weeks.  The flap permits blood to flow to the tissue to keep it alive while the graft grows into the skin surrounding the surgical wound.  Eventually the grafted skin will get enough blood supply from the skin around the nose so the flap can be removed.   

This was hard on her Mom, it was hard to make her understand why it was necessary and what happened to her.  She's a sweet kind woman and has become quite forgetful so it was hard for her to process it all.   The really sad part is that it could have been avoided, literally, years before if her doctor had taken it seriously.  All the doctor had to do was refer her to a dermotologist. Why he didn't is a mystery but he deserves to be charged with malpractice.   My friend is in the process of filing complaints in 2 states where he sees patients - Washington and Idaho.  

This sort of skin cancer is NOT reserved for the elderly and years of sun exposure.  My own nephew, age 27, had the same surgery two years ago.  He had a recurring pimple on the side of his nose and he let it go a long time before seeing a dermotologist.  Because it was "just a pimple", he thought he'd get a prescription for a topical antibiotic or a chemical peel, he had no idea it was skin cancer.   The sore would erupt like a pimple then get red, bleed a bit and heal up.  This sort of cancer was new to all of us in the family.  We knew to look for dark spots that were not symmetrical.  We new to suspect anything that grew in size or had various colors - we didn't know to look for a wound like a cold sore.  Since his original Moh's procedure - removal of a whole nostril, a skin flap and reconstructive adjustments to the skin - he's had two smaller spots removed.  These were caught in time but he'll have to be vigilant - and watch the skin all over his body - for the rest of his life.

So - the bottom line is simple - CATCH IT WHEN IT'S SMALL  - the treatment is simple and relatively painless.  Wait, and you'll have to suffer a gruesome surgery and reconstruction - or it might cost your life.  

Here's a link that should scare you into a visit to the doctor early on:  CAUTION:  This site contains VERY GRAPHIC IMAGES that may disturb you.  It shows patients after surgery for skin cancer and before reconstructive surgery.    Some of these are really, really, gruesome and nearly made me sick but if it gets you to the doctor - then I did my job: 
  http://www.newyorkfacialplasticsurgery.com/FacialReconstructiveSurgery.htm

I have a cold sore that won't heal, what is it?  Grandma has a sore that won't heal. Grandpa has a sore that won't heal.  Do I have cancer sore soar that won't heal.

Finding Mom in the dark makes me SEE RED!!!!

My good mood over having Mom home on Christmas Eve disappeared quickly when I went to see her Christmas Day.   I found her sitting in her room in the DARK!  She was trapped, sitting in her wheel chair with nothing to do and no way to get out of the room.  Her call button was no where to be found - I found it wedged under her pillow and completely out of her reach. Her roommate was asleep and her wheelchair was between Mom and the door, Mom's TV (which is on a swinging arm) was above her head, off and out of her reach.  The lights were off - switches also out of her reach - and there was a table wedged between her and her dresser which holds her reading materials and pens.   She was just sitting there in the dark like some blanket they laid down on a table top. 

I was so mad - and so hurt for her.   There is no excuse for this - I told the aides who were circled around the nurses station how I found her and they said "she can call for help".  They didn't want to believe where I found the call button and that it was out of her reach.  They are so freaking clueless!!!! They all looked young and I'd never seen any of them before - a new crew, probably the newest hires since they were working Christmas Day.  It should not matter.  I expect an experienced nurse or aid on duty to prevent this kind of crap.   They might have thought she was asleep but they should have put her in bed or her easy chair NOT left her sitting in the wheel chair.

So - before leaving town I wrote a letter to the administrator and left it in her office.   She's had 2 days to read it and I've not heard a thing.   (She dislikes me already because I - justifiably - complained about the size of Mom's wheelchair and a worn out pad that meant she slipped forward and fell out of it. )  Tomorrow I'll call the social services office and see what they have to say.    If it happens again, I'm called a friend who works for the state department of medicaide and ask for an inspection.  If they're slipping up on basic things, then larger more severe problems are probably hidding in there too!!

Oh how I wish I could win the lottery so I could hire some help and take her home!!!  If I could, I'd buy a big house and invite a couple of her friends to live with her.  They could all have such a good quality of life with the right care givers and the right layout in a home.  They could sleep in or stay up late if they wished.  They could be active - they could do things they enjoy and only do as much as they could with help and continue to feel like they have something to offer.   UGH!! These nursing homes are just too large, they are run by huge for-profit companies that don't care about their residents.   It's immoral.  it's down right immoral!!

What do I get Grandma for Christmas?

Buying gifts for elderly people is tough - they have health conditions that limit what we can give them.   They might want goodies but we should use caution given the rise in diabetes.    This year I'm giving Mom a lighted magnifying glass, some thick fleece socks to keep her feet toasty and a new hooded sweatshirt.    I'm also having her old watch reconditioned so she can wear it daily. No only is it useful, it's some thing very familiar that she had for years.  I hope it will provide her with some comfort.


I've surveyed some friends to find what they're doing for their parents and grand parents.  I hope you'll find some useful ideas here:

• sets of blank cards,  "fat" pens and stamps so they can keep in touch with friends and family
• a new address book - then help them transfer the names and addresses
• photo albums with old and new photos - consider pictures of grand kids on the left page then a photo of  the same grand child as an adult or with their family.   This can help jog their memories too
• Calendars with family photos.  You can easily up load photos to several services (Walmart, Kodak, Windows) layout the calendar and have it mailed to them.  It  takes all of 30-45 minutes!!  Thank Gawd for technology!!
• Photos of them with friends and family - my Mom loves her photos with her and her great granddaughter
• Calendars with their favorite flowers
• If your elder is in a nursing home they;d probably appreciate anything that replicates the things they had at home - family photos, photos of pets or flowers.
• People in nursing homes also need practical things:  lotion, socks, sweaters, undershirts, slippers, tissues to clean glasses, pens and paper, fanny packs or other bags that can easily strap on to walkers or wheel chairs

If you're still stumped call the nursing home and ask the social services or activities director if they have suggestions.   

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what can I get my grandma grandpa for Christmas?  Grandma is in a nursing home what can i get for her.  gifts for nursing home residents. gifts for the elderly .

Sharing Christmas with Mom - what she really wants is time - my time now and her old times too..

The older Mom gets the harder it is to find meaningful gifts for her.  She is very content with so little and I usually buy things as I realize she needs them - new sweat pants, a hoodie, socks, etc.... I'm always stumped at Christmas time - it doesn't help that she insists she needs NOTHING and won't give me any ideas.  I did pick up on a couple of little things that might make her happy - her old large faced watch from home and a magnifying glass.   She always says she can't find the wall clocks throughout the nursing home and complains that reading the paper hurts her eyes. ( I am beginning to wonder if her vision is failing but that's another blog post...)

So - I found her old watch at home and I'll have it cleaned and the band repaired for her.   I'll give it to her at Christmas so she'll know the time.  I also found a light weight magnifying glass with a light.  I think it will help her read the paper and anything else she can find.   When I found it and realized how much it would help her, I bought 4.  I'll leave the extra three with the social services or activities office so that they can give them to the residents who need them most.  

The other thing I'll give Mom this Christmas is time at home.  We'll arrive in my home town on the 23rd and I'll go to get her the 24th.  We can cook together and then we'll sit down to eat together for Christmas Eve.   I hope she'll feel up to attending church that evening but we'll see.   The next day - we'll do it all again but we'll be at my nephews home. These plans mean a lot of work for us - we have to lift her in and out of the car, to the bathroom and wheel her around but we gladly do it all.    When I think of how she feels living away from home, I WANT to make her happy even though it's only for a few hours at a time.   I want to give her some normalcy - I want her to feel the way it was years ago when she cooked for a houseful of people and we all sat down together to eat and drink  and talk loud.   I miss those times too so if we can re-create them for a day or two, then all the lifting and wheeling is well worth it.