More ideas for Grandma at Christmas..

This year I don't face the challenge to get Mom a Christmas gift.  She's getting 3 things that will make her life more comfty: 

• a pencil box full of rectractible pens
• several packets of eye glass wipes
• a new fleece jacket with a hood. 

She loves to do cross-word puzzles and pens always seem to disappear - I know the aides take them since she can't possibly use up ink that fast.  I got several packets of pens and used a silver sharpie to write her name on them.  I found an "easy open" pencil box in the school department at a local large retailer and voila - gift #1 down.  I won't give her all the pens now; I'll stash them at home and mail her a few at a time.

The eye glass wipes are a must.  It seems her glasses are always dirty. The aides just don't have time to help residents wash their glasses.  So now she can do it herself.

The fleece jacket will go over big.  mom's got a couple of them already but they are looking ratting and old. She needs a "dressier" version.   I buy hooded ones for her because of her dowager's hump.   The fabric for the hood wraps up and around her neck to help keep her warm.

Some other ideas for gifts:
A "counter top" wreath hanger to hold photo frames.   This is basically a pole rising above a stand with a hook at the top.   Mom can't hang anything on the walls in her nursing home so I got a couple of these.  One sits on the night stand next to her bed and holds a photo frame.  The other sits next to the sink and holds seasonal decorations.

A cabinet hook (think kitchen towels)  to hang a photo frame, decorations or a jacket or sweater.  I found this in the kitchen department.  It's supposed to hook over a kitchen cabinet door and hold a dish towel but it's just the right size to go on the cabinet door or drawer front in mom's room too.  I got one for her birthday and hung a photo frame from it.  Be sure to find the lightest frame possible since you don't want to ruin the hinges on any cabinet doors.

Slippers - especially easy on and easy off slippers.   I got Mom some with velcro closure.  It's necessary now since she lacks the dexterity to tie shoes. 

Gift certificates to the nearest salon for shampoo and set.  I pay for a "resident trust" at mom's nursing home but some families can't afford to do this.   It would be nice if someone gave other residents a $40-50 gift certificate to the in-house salon.  This would get them 4-5 haircuts - it goes a long way toward helping them feel better.

Individually wrapped candy bars.  Do this ONLY if your elder can have sugar. While these aren't as good as a whole box of chocolates, it means that the candy will keep a long long time.  If they're in a nursing home or assisted living, it also gives them something to share with the staff or other residents.


Here's another idea for TIME but comes with something to do:  Get a couple boxes of Christmas cards and stamps then spend a couple of hours dictating messages to friends and family for your elder.   Let them sign the cards and then drop them in the mail.  It will help your elder feel like they can still do something meaningful for others.  And, if they get cards in return, let them know that others appreciate them and remember them.

Help them give something to others: capture your elders favorite recipes and prepare a small book of their recipes for others. If you can, write some stories about their relatives who taught them to cook; to do a craft like quilting or who most inspired them.  Have the elder sign all the copies before you distribute them.  One thing that means a lot to me is a few recipes that my grandmother actually wrote in her own hand.  It might also be nice to have grandma or grandpa write their recipes and scan them in then print them.

Subscription to magazines with large print or some that are good reading:  Readers Digest; or something that will stimulate their brains like Popular Mechanics, literary magazines or National Geographic.  I recommend avoiding things like Redbook, Ladies Home Journal, or others that are about food, fashion or home decorating - really, it's so inappropriate for someone their age, especially if they no longer live at home.

A clipboard with a compartment for documents.   My mom uses this as a light weight lap desk.  It's also a good place to hide pends from the aides!   I attached a strap of ribbon so it's easier to pick up. I drilled two holes in the end opposite the clip, then cut a 7 inch ribbon and poked then ends into the holes.  I tied knots at the ends of the ribbon so that they are inside the document compartment. 

If your elder is still at home: give them coupons to eat out at a local restaurant. Better yet, make a couple of appointments to take them to lunch and then FOLLOW THROUGH!!!!  This is especially important in Jan, Feb and March when it's cold and dark and they might not get much company.

A telephone with volume control on the handset and large numbers.  This is especially helpful for those with hearing aides.  Hearing aids and telephones don't always work well together.   If they want to remove their hearing aide, the volume control will permit them to hear well without it.

What can I get grandma for Christmas.  What can I get for grandpa for Christmas.

Isolation is over but I find other problems at the nursing home

I finally got in a good visit with Mom.  I traveled 7 hours to her home town and got to see her daily for three days. On my first visit, after I hugged her like crazy, I took a good long look around.  I looked at the bedding, her clothes, her shoes, her drawers in the night stand - everything, anything...  What I found was disturbing and encouraging.  All of her clothes and shoes where there, her bedding was clean. ... however.... in the bottom drawer of her nightstand I found a bed pan.   This is the normal storage for bedpans in Mom's nursing home; they use them, rinse and wash them and store each in a thick plastic bag.  This one was not in a bag and was smeared with something brown.... it's a bed pan, that can only mean one thing.... EEEEEeeeUUUU uuuuu!!!!

So, I asked floor nurse - not the aid - to come to look at "something disturbing".
Me: pointing to the open drawer: "Is that a bed pan?"
Nurse: glancing down, hands on hips: "Yes, it is. We always keep them in the bottom drawer."
Me: pointing to the  bed pan and the smear, "What do you suppose that brown substance might be?"
Nurse: suddenly paying close attention,  "Oh! that's not acceptable!"
Me:  bending over and pointing, "And, those, are those the same bandages you use on Mom's stasis ulcers?"
Nurse: "I'll have someone clean it up right away."

...and she did.  The nurse threw the bedpan in the trash and soon housekeeping came to clean the drawer with a bleach solution.  I am left wondering how long a dirty bed pan had been in the drawer and if the nurse putting on Mom's bandages would have used them or thrown them away.  Someone put a dirty bed pan in the drawer- it could have been the night before or days before.  Someone might have been using a dirty bed pan for days. Someone changes mom's bandages daily and should have seen it and done something. It's always "someone else" whenever I find this type of stuff at the nursing home.  

Every visit I find something terribly disturbing.  It does not leave me confident that Mom's getting good care.  This nursing home is ranked fairly well compared to others across the state, I can only imagine how crappy - no pun intended - that must be. 

"Exile" continues this time due to shingles.

Friday, Oct 14.  I rushed 7 hours from my home to Mom's so I could attend a doctor visit with her. The prior weekend, the nursing home sent her to the ER for a "rash" on her forehead. The ER sent her home with antibiotic ointment.  Two days later it was a larger rash, swelling and a bruise.  Today she looked like someone kicked her in the left eye.  Her eye was swollen nearly shut and oozing goop.   She has what looks like scabby scrapes on her forehead and into her hair line.

As soon as I saw her get off the bus, I bent and gently hugged her without coming into contact with her swollen face.  I lifted her hair to note a couple of "rashy" spots on her scalp.  After seeing the doctor, he called in a colleague and they decided that Mom has shingles.  Then he turns to me and says, "I hope you've had chicken pox because this is highly contagious..."  oh sh___!!!  I don't remember having it but did have measles 3 times, we're hoping that  one of those was chicken pox and that I have immunity.

Poor mom has only been out of isolation a week and now she'll go back in.   And, I can't go see her until I get the results of a blood test to determine if I'm immune or not.   She was looking forward to my visit and I planned to take her cousin there for a visit with pie and coffee - that's all on hold now.   As for me, I need to stay optimistic and pray the virus away because chicken pox in adults can get bad.  


I think the ER missed the shingles diagnosis because it doesn't normally show up on the face and scalp.  Mom's had it in the past on her back around her waist.  The doctor said they look for "geometry" or lines where the pox appear - it has definite boundaries.   In this case, the pox are quite concentrated on the upper left side of her head.  Picture this; the "bottom" boundary is an imaginary a line from under her nose horizontally toward her ear and around the back of her head.  The other "line" goes from her left nostril up straight over her forehead and over the top to the nape of her neck.   It was just all swollen and painful looking.  She's on a pain patch to help with her arthritis so the infection doesn't hurt as bad as it might otherwise.   So - now we're both in a sort of isolation - she must stay in her room and I have to stay away from others and her - for now anyway.  Damn.

Shingles on the face,  shingles around the eye, shingles on the head, scabby rash red swelling swollen eye face

MRSA puts mom "in exile" and it demonstrates holes in the rules

Confined to a wheelchair now, my mom has begun to get stasis ulcers on her lower legs. These are oozing gross wounds that open up on her chins.  Apparently these are ulcers are common for people who have limited motion in their lower extremities (legs and feet).  My niece, the 25-year career nurse - tells me its caused by poor circulation of blood and lymph fluids.  The skin tissue in the legs doesn't get nutrients from blood flow so it begins to breakdown.   Mom insists it only hurts when they apply salve but the tissue around these sores is often so swollen, red and angry looking that I can't imagine it doesn't hurt.  Since June, I've been concerned about a large on her left calf that would not heal.  Over the past 4 months it's improved then become worse and improved again several times.  In early September a nurse called to tell me it tested positive for MRSA and Mom would be put into "isolation" to prevent infecting anyone else.

I was very upset because she had the wound for so long and they hadn't tested it for any virus or bacteria. I asked if there was more they could do - different medication, vitamins, better diet...I got no answers.  They watched the wound closely for changes that indicate MRSA and finally in early September they "swabbed" the wound and ran tests. The nurse told me they look for discharges of pus and blood and a particular odor that indicates staph might be infecting a wound; once they see it, they test for staph infection. 

After the positive MRSA test, they had to put mom into isolation - no room mate, visitors must wear gowns and gloves, a bed side commode but that as long as the wound was covered, she could go to meals in the dining room.   I felt good that she'd have someone to visit with now and then. I also asked if she could have a larger TV until her isolation was over.  I got no answers even after leaving several messages. 

When I was able to visit 2 weeks later, I learned that Mom had NOT been to meals and that she'd been stuck in her room, alone most of the time.   "...being in exile, like Napoleon", she said. I was so angry.  If I'd know she was NOT going to meals, I'd have sent flowers every few days.  I'd have written letters - something, ANYTHING to help lift her spirits.  I tried to talk with the nurse on duty and she gave me a different story - that Mom HAD been to meals, that visitors didn't need gowns or gloves to protect them from infection.. Two hours later aides brought meals to mom in her room but before entering they put on paper gowns and gloves!..  I asked about the inconsistency but could not get a straight answer from the aides or nurses.  Now I have to call and complain because of these inconsistencies.  It makes me so frustrated!  How hard is it to train people to know what to do?  Infections like MRSA, colds, stomach bugs - are pervasive once they get a hold in nursing homes so all of their staff need to treat the patients the SAME way.  Families and visitors need to follow consistent - and best practice - methods to prevent spreading or getting illnesses.  I want to know that the staff does the RIGHT things to keep things from spreading - to my own mom, to themselves, visitors or other patients. 

I hate that Mom had to be "isolated". All of her clothing, towels, bedding and dining plates and utensils had to be bagged in special red biohazard bags before leaving her room.  The nurse tells me that they tried to "enrich" her activities with extra visits from their staff but it's not the same as family or friends.  Given the inconsistent messages from their own nurses and other crap that goes on, I doubt they do much "enrichment".   My family was quite freaked out and didn't want to visit; they feared mom was exhaling the virus and that they'd become infected.  I went anyway because I read enough about MRSA to understand that it was most likely caught quickly and thus a local infection - meaning it was only in the tissue on her leg and not spread throughout her system.  I also spoke with the nurse before my visit and learned that the sores on her legs were nearly completely healed.  I didn't intend to touch her wounds, bandages or the like so I knew that chances of being infected were very, very small.  Visiting my Mom after she'd been isolated for two weeks out weighed my concerns about getting any virus. 


This is the definition of MRSA from wikipedia:
Methicillin-resistant Staphylococcus aureus (MRSA) is a bacterium responsible for several difficult-to-treat infections in humans. It may also be called multidrug-resistant Staphylococcus aureus or oxacillin-resistant Staphylococcus aureus (ORSA).


More on stasis or venous ulcers at wikipedia: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Venous_ulcer

How could my mom get MRSA?  Mom has MRSA, can i get it? Dad has MRSA can I get it.  What should nursing homes do about MRSA?