A simple pole helps Mom be more independent.

NOTE:  This was originally posted with title that's a bit cheeky (it referred to "pole dan cin') but I got all kinds of nasty automated comments advertising porn sites so I changed the title and reposted.   It really erks me that I'm trying to do something beneficial and those rotten bastards mess it up.

Mom's ALF installed a great new device for her.  It means that she can be more independent and I have something to tease her about.   They put in a "pole"  next to her chair.   The center of it has a rubberized "sleeve" that gives her something to grip as she rises from her chair.  She still has good arm strength so can pull herself up to her feet, then she takes a small step or two and, still hanging on, pivots into her wheelchair.  It means she's able to get herself into and out of her wheel chair without help.  She feels better since she doesn't have to call for help as often and I worry less about her falling. 

The pole itself works like a giant tension rod between the floor and ceiling.  There is a flared sort of stand on the floor and a larger piece at the top where the pole meets the ceiling.

Here's a photo of the "stand" where the pole meets the floor.  It's relatively flat and not wide so Mom won't trip over it: (The news paper looks pretty messy but it's mom's favorite past time )

Here's the top of the pole, where it meets the ceiling:

I tried to find some brand name on the pole but could not.   There is a label about a distributors name but it's in the United Kingdom.   If anyone is interested in finding one of these for their home, I'd suggest asking a physical therapist or a pharmacy that also sells wheelchairs shower chairs, handholds for the bathroom and other "safety" products.   I'll try to find out more from the ALF and will share it here as I can.

Finally!! Mom had a good day!

This evening I finally heard the attitude in Mom that I've been praying for.  Mom told me that she had a good day and that she enjoyed the young people that worked at the ALF!   Today, for the first time in 7 months, I left her room without feeling guilty.  I will leave town after a weeks' visit without feeling guilty.  I know she'll still have some bad days and bad moods but for now I am so VERY, VERY relieved.   It's an enormous weight off my mind.  

Her good day started with good conversation.  Her tablemate's son visited during breakfast and they had quite a talk about the railroad and the men - my uncles - who worked there.   She also had some fun with the other women in her dining room; they schemed about practical jokes that they could play on other residents and the aides.  It's refreshing that her spirited side can still come through. 

Mom seemed to sense that I needed to hear something positive from her.  She's missed having people go in and out of her home; it's been a long time since lively young people ran in and out.  She enjoyed the aides that came in to plop down on her bed for a few minutes to take a breather and check on her.  She likes that they feel comfortable enough to stretch out on her bed or sit for a coffee or soda with her.  I'm liking that she's feeling at home and so comfortable with the other residents and staff. 

The medicaide application is IN! Now we wait....

I submitted an application for Medicaide (State assistance) on Mom's behalf  today.   This means we've exhausted her existing cash resources and we are asking the state to contribute to her rent/care at the assisted living center.    Before compiling all the relevant paperwork I tried for four months to get some information from the State of Idaho about a couple of things but I got know where.   We have an odd situation concerning Mom's property - which I'll save for another post - so I wanted to understand what the state would do.  Starting 4 months ago, I began emailing, calling and contacting friends who work for the Idaho Dept of Health and Welfare.  I got little information other than a standard reply, "we must consult our manuals and get back to you".  Well, I heard nothing until I bugged just the right person and got a number for a "customer service center".  They  readily found someone who could actually answer my questions.  I called them three times to see if I'd get a consistent answer.  I did so figured it was safe to submit the application.

I'm not trying to "game" the system but I needed to understand how the State would approach some jointly held property and just what evidence the state wants to see regarding taxes and assessed values.   I felt pretty good after submitting an 1 inch thick packet of material, that is until I spoke with the Director at her ALF.  My mood quickly soured.  She told me some not-so-good stories about applications getting lost, delayed more than 60 days and in general, made me concerned.  I kept copies of everything so I can resubmit the materials if necessary but I'm just worried about paying for her care until Medicaide kicks in.  We worked out a plan to use Mom's Social Security and pension plus some funds from me for the time being but I can't contribute much for long.   So - I'm left waiting again.  At least I have a short-term plan until we know more.

I must admit to having qualms about being so open that Mom's applied for state assistance.  On one hand, she's proud and I'm proud; I hate to admit that she's broke.  On the other hand, she's never taken a dime from anyone else and my parents worked hard to provide for themselves, their parents, their kids and other extended family.   Often they went without and lived simply.  They never let anyone go without food, shelter and the basics even when it meant they didn't save a thing.  In her old age, she's paying for that "take care of your own" attitude.   What's worse, to let many go without years earlier or have one person accept some help now?

This is by no means a free ride.  The state will ensure that she contributes all she can (social security and pension) and will permit her to keep $90 a month for her personal needs.  She's spent just about that much on hair appointments and minor things each month.  It's not a lot so I'll have to supplement for things like clothes, shoes, treats or soda pop.  I'm happy to do that for her; it's relatively little money and if it makes her happy then it's worth it.    Her sacrifice years ago meant that I and our family had what we needed so now we can give up some to ensure she's comfortable.

Reverse mortgage - approach with CAUTION!!!

A friend recently helped her mother get a reverse mortgage on her home.  Though I'd hear of them, I didn't know the specifics until she shared some details with me.  Some company offers to give you money for "ownership" of the home.  The home owner gets to live in the home for as long as they wish - but I believe there's a 10 year maximum on this one - and when they move or pass away, the bank sells the house to recover the amount.   It all sounds terrific until she told me about the $11,000 in fees and that her mom was still responsible for upkeep and property taxes.  I suppose the fees are no different than a standard mortage one would take out to buy a house.  By the time you add realtor fees, "points" and a down payment, it could be more than $11,000.  BUT to take it for something like this; from elderly people who need the money, just seems mean and WRONG.

I have another concern about this situation.  I learned later that my friend's mom used $40,000 of the $100,000 she received for cosmetic "fixes" to the house.  This really disturbs me because the only one to really benefit from the beautification is the bank; they'll reap the added equity and the elder won't.  She will be more comfortable with her surroundings and will worry less about what the neighbors think.   Some of the $40,000 went for "real" repairs to keep it safer and cleaner which is readily understandable.  If it were my mom, I'd try to be very cautious and to maintain as much of the original principle as possible.  The remaining $60,000 or so will only pay for  2 to 2.5 years in a quality assisted living center and much less in a nursing home.   That $40,000 might be greatly missed later.