Missing "Mom" and her understanding, wisdom and advice

Having a parent that is old and vulnerable is hard from many different angles.  Mom needs someone to conduct all of her business.  I'm advocate for her health care and quality of life issues.  I nudge family to go see her and help her write letters to distant relatives.  I made the hard decisions to move her, and broke the news to her.    I try to make her happy and minimize her stress.  The latter means that I don't share sad or stressful things related to my own life.  In short, I paint a happy picture for her even when it's really hard.   I've been doing that lately and it makes me realize that I really miss being able to talk to my Mom.  I miss her advice, crying on her shoulder - literally her hugs and whispers that everything will be okay.  

At those times when I had nothing or no one else, my Mom and Dad were always there.  They couldn't do much financially but I knew I was loved and that they believed I could do anything.  I knew that someone was always made happy just to hear my voice or see me talk through the door.  I know I'm lucky to have had parents like that, everyone SHOULD have parents like that.   Today I find my self grieving the loss of "that" Mom.  She would want to know that I'm upset; she'd try to make me feel better.  I won't tell her, I don't want to upset her.  Perhaps she'd even forget easily but I don't want to risk it.  

Today, I hate this; it's really hard.  I feel like I've been grieving the loss of my Mom for a long, long time.   It will continue so I've got to find some bit of advice, some wise words - probably some that she shared long ago - to lighten my mood and help me see something positive.   That's what she did so many years ago with her own mother, so I'll have to follow her example once again.   What a fine example she is.....

Medicare versus Medicaide

In the past week I've had three calls from friends about the difference between Medicare and Medicaide.  Basically, one is a federal insurance program for the elderly and the other is a state program that helps indigent  - or poor - residents.

Disclaimer before you read further:   This information is based on my experience and knowledge of Medicaide in two separate states.  Each state is different; to find out the specifics of your state, do your research.  I suggest that you search "(name of your state) AND  medicaide" or contact the your state agency for health and welfare.   The Area Agency on Aging within your local area is also a good resource to help you begin to understand Medicare and Mediciade in your state.


The basics:   Medicare and Medicaid are BOTH paid for by tax dollars - and you didn't think the USA has socialized medicine....
Medicare is government supported health insurance for the elderly, it DOES NOT PAY for nursing home or long term care.   Citizens 65 years and older pay premiums directly from their social security. You may select any doctor who accepts this as payment.
Medicaide is government paid nursing home (long term) care.  It may also help pay for Medicare premiums and for prescriptions.  Most of the funds for medicaid come from the federal government but the programs are administered by each state.   Each state still has to contribute something toward Medicaide.





Medicare is a federal insurance program available to US citizens over 65.   To pay for this plan, the federal government takes premiums directly from social security payments.   Most of us will be covered by Medicare at some point.   Even if you have health coverage as a retiree, those programs usually defer to Medicare once you turn 65 and you're likely to need more medical attention, prescriptions or procedures.   In some cases, the primary insurance you had through a pension plan or employer becomes your supplemental plan, meaning that it pays some of what Medicare does no. Medicare does NOT pay for long term care in assisted living or nursing homes.  They will not pay for on-going home health care or aides for elderly either.   They will pay for up to 120 days in a nursing home provided the patient shows improvement and any therapies administered help the patient improve to return home or return to assisted living.   As a citizen, you automatically qualify for Medicare and, near your 65th birthday,  you will receive a letter advising you of your status.   As of this writing, June 23, 2010, there are many doctors across the country who refuse to accept Medicare payments so use caution when selecting a doctor.

Medicaide is a state program (it may be called something else in your state) generally administered by the State Department of Health and Welfare.  Medicaide is not limited to the elderly and may also cover children of poor families, people with physical or mental disabilities or the most poor citizens.   It generally does not include dental or vision but in some states eye exams and dentures are covered one time during a set period, like onc every 5 years.  Medicaide DOES pay for long term care in assisted living or nursing homes and there are certain criteria to meet before an elderly person may receive Medicaide.    Generally these are:

• Spend down to $2000 or $2500 in assets. This means that the elder MUST use all possible assets before they may receive medicaide.  They must consume all cash, CDs, stocks, bonds and savings. Note that if at anytime, an elders assets grow to MORE than $2000 or $2500, they may be disqualified from Medicaide until that money is spent.  If you know this will happen, you can plan for it and buy something that they need like depends, lap robes, eye glasses, dentures (medicaide will pay for eye glasses & dentures but only once every few years). Here's a link to an article about the Medicaide spend down on Agingcare.com.
• Look back periods:  These can get you in to a lot of trouble.  Each state has a defined period where they look back at expenditures to determine whether someone qualifies.   This is to prevent transfer of ownership of valueables, gifting of cash, stocks, bonds, etc or deeding of any property before an application for assistance.    The object is to ensure that assets are used to provide for someone, that they consume their resources before receiving public resources for their support.   Some states have a look back period as long as 7 years!!  so be sure to thoroughly understand this before accepting anything from your elders.
• Homes may be exempt: The elder may own a home and the state will not force the sale of it if a spouse, dependent child or other relative lives there.   The state may also permit the home to sit - without being sold - if the elder plans to return home.  
•  Financial recovery:  most states seek some kind of financial recovery from an elders estate.  First they will put a lien on a home or proprety so that when the elder passes, the state will expect to recoup funds spent on care.  If the home/property is occupied by a surviving spouse the state may not use liens.   The state may also try to recover funds by forcing the sale of cars or other valuable possessions such as art or antiques.   
• Pensions and social security must be spent toward care:  Any monthly income received by an elder must be spent on their care, this is often called a co-pay or care contribution.  In my mom's case, her social security and pension are deposited directly to her checking accounts and I write a check for her contribution each month.   The state pays the rest directly to the  nursing home,  I don't have anything to do with that.    
• Monthly personal allowance:  Most states permit each elder to keep between $30-50 a month for their personal use.   This isn't a lot at all so I supplement when necessary.   I do not give the money directly to her but do pay for her hair cuts, permanents and regular hair appointments.   

Some other things to consider about Medicare and Medicaide: 

• Medicare is your PRIMARY insurance after 65 but Medicaide helps: You'll still have to pay a monthly premium if you go on Medicaide but Medicaide will pay the premium for you.  So for doctor bills, procedures, tests, etc.   Medicare pays first, your supplemental plan (if you have one) pays second and Medicaide pays third.   Without a supplemental plan, Medicaide probably covers it all or the doctor may write off some of the charges.
• Medicaide can start and stop payment so WATCH THEIR BANK ACCOUNTS!!:  If an elder is hospitalized, their care may be paid my Medicare for that period and for a time (sometimes as long as 120 days, 3 months)  AFTER they return to a nursing home.   BE CAREFUL and watch their funds during this period.  If their monthly income is NOT used for a nursing home while Medicare is paying, it can build up over the $2000 or $2500 in maximum assets.  This nearly happened to my Mom so I bought some personal items for her to ensure that she did not accumulate more than $2500.   I also started a burial fund - allowed by her states' Medicaide program) and plan to contribute to it if/when she begins to accumulate more than $2000.   On a personal note:  I don't feel like I'm ripping off the state or being dishonest in this case,  she would have been only $250-300 over the $2500 but that relatively small amount would cause all kinds of headaches and I'd have to redo her medicaide application all over.  

What's what is the difference between medicare and medicaid medicaide? what is the medicaide medicaid spend down spenddown? can mom dad give me money and still get medicaide medicaid?  Will medicare pay for nursing home.

Newly diagnosed anemia could mean bigger issues for mom

Mom's doctor called today and wants to schedule a colonoscopy- the reason:  Mom's red blood count has been steadily falling over the past year; she is anemic.   She has no internal bleeding or other symptoms to indicate why she's anemic.  He fears she might have an ulcerated colon polyp.  She's had polyps in the past and should have a colonoscopy every 5 years to catch polyps before they become cancerous.   The doctor wanted my opinon on whether mom would want the colonoscopy and if she could stand the "preparation" for the procedure.   We agreed that it's best to do the prep at the hospital before the colonoscopy.  The prep is a complete cleansing of the colon with really strong laxatives; it can be nasty.  It means sitting on a toilet for long periods and possible dehydration.   Given her age and tendency to be slightly dehydrated it's best to do it at the hospital where they can quickly diagnose and address any complications.

I did some brief research on anemia in the eldery and am more concerned for mom.    The immediate worry is cancer or pre-cancerous polyps.   If that is NOT the cause of the anemia then we must worry about finding the cause and the secondary effects of low iron in Mom's blood.   For healthy younger people anemia meand fatigue and reduced endurance.  In the eldery it can mean increased risk of heart attack and has been linked to vascular dementia - confusion and forgetfulness resulting from decreased oxygen to the brain.  Long term effects of anemia are organ failure and even peptic ulcers.

I hate the idea of a prolonged diagnosis of the cause of this anemia.  I find myself almost wishing it is some polyp that is easily removed so she'll be fine but I can't help worry that there's something else wrong.  If it's not polyps then tests and procedures will wear Mom out and make her worry.   For now, I will tell her only that it's time for her regular colonoscopy and that I'll be there to help her through the prep and the procedure.  The rest we'll handle as it comes.

Mom has anemia what does that mean? anemia in the elderly causes of anemia in the elderly dementia from anemia. Can anemia cause dementia? can anemia cause alzhiemers?
colonoscopy in the elderly , anemia in the elderly should my mom have a colonoscopy.    , colon cancer in the elderly.  grandma has colon cancer. 

Medicare takes a while to "buy" wheelchair -

Mom's "free" wheelchair wasn't so free after all  and no one knew it - apparently, she had to pay for some of it even though deductibles and co-payments on her part had been met.   The whole situation has me frustrated and demonstrates that people just don't know all the rules and regulations about payments when dealing with Medicare and Medicaide.   I believe there may be some confusion over billing and with the three parties involved but I'm so frustrated with the matter, that I'll end up paying the $58 myself.

When Mom got her wheelchair  we were told "Medicare will buy it.." "Outright, completely, 100% paid for by Medicare?", I asked the assisted living facility?  "ABSOLUTELY", the staff at the ALF assured me several times... Well, that's absolutely WRONG!   Medicare pays for the rental of a wheelchair for 16 months or so.  If the patient still needs the wheelchair by then it's considered paid for, so it's a rent to own program.    When Mom transferred from assisted living to the nursing home, we didn't know the wheelchair had to go back to the medical equipment rental company so it went into storage.   After two months they reached me and I took the chair back immediately.   At that time, I was disgusted with the whole process and asked for some kind of receipt; they were reluctant to provide it but I insisted.   Good thing I listened to my gut, because 2 days later I got a call asking when I planned to return the wheelchair!!!  At that time, I asked about outstanding bills, payments, co-pays ANYTHING and was told it was paid in full....

They're FULL OF IT alright.....  yesterday an angry accounts receivable clerk from the rental company called wanting the $58.  It seems she's been sending invoices to Mom at the assisted living center. The ALF gave a forwarding address at the nursing home but they've received no money.   The nursing home finally told her to call me as the Power of Attorney (PoA).   Medicare has taken back two months worth of rent from the medical rental company because Mom was in a nursing home where wheelchairs are provided. Medicare wouldn't pay for the two months that the chair was in storage.  Thinking the chair was Mom's property, we put it in storage and that will cost us $58.  It's not a HUGE amount of money but it's money I'll have to take from her savings.  It's inconvenient.  It's frustrating to talk to people who assume you're trying to run-out on a bill.   It's frustrating that the "experts" don't know the process yet speak with certainty.  I've found this same situation over and over, things are so complex with billing Medicare, Medicaide, supplemental insurance, Medicare for health care, Medicare for prescriptions, Part B, Part D - never mind what happened to Part A and C!!- payments made, payments rescinded... It's all just too complicated.  I wish they'd put people to work figuring out how to make it easier, or put in some regional offices with case workers.  UGH!!

Will medicare buy mom dad a wheel chair? How can I get medicare to buy mom dad a wheelchair? Wheelchair rental for the elderly.