Kids gloves make Mom's wheels feel better...

Since Mom's been using a wheelchair she complains that her hands hurt from using the wheels to guide herself around.  Her hands are also dry and her skin is smooth, it's actually "slick" and hard to hold the wheels on the chair.   She's asked for "kid" leather driving gloves over and over but I'm hard pressed to find those.  She remembers them from the 40's and 50's when she still drove.

I finally found the remedy in the Christmas department of my local Fred Meyer store - grey knit gloves with rubber gripping "snowflakes on them.   The snow flakes are supposed to be decorations on the back of the gloves but putting them on the palms made all the sense for my mom.   Now she has something that protects her hands AND helps her grip the wheels much better.   I had to make one alteration.  I cut the fingers off so she can still feel things easily and hold her pends for her crossword puzzle.

What can I use to help mom's grip on her wheel chair.

Veterans benefits may be available

I was surprised to learn that there are veterans benefits available to provide for disabled veterans OR their spouses.   Called the Aid and Attendance Pension, it's intended to help vets and their families when they are unable to care for themselves. 

Here's the text from the VA web site.  To see more follow this link: http://www.veteranaid.org/program.php

THE AID & ATTENDANCE PENSION

The Aid and Attendance (A&A) Pension provides benefits for veterans and surviving spouses who require the regular attendance of another person to assist in eating, bathing, dressing and undressing or taking care of the needs of nature. It also includes individuals who are blind or a patient in a nursing home because of mental or physical incapacity. Assisted care in an assisting living facility also qualifies.

To qualify for A&A it needs to be established by your physician that you require daily assistance by others to dress, undress, bathing, cooking, eating, taking on or off of prosthetics, leave home etc. You DO NOT have to require assistance with all of these. There simply needs to be adequate medical evidence that you cannot function completely on your own.

The A&A Pension can provide up to $1,632 per month to a veteran, $1,055 per month to a surviving spouse, or $1,949 per month to a couple*.

Eligibility must be proven by filing the proper Veterans Application for Pension or Compensation. (Form 21-534 surviving spouse) (Form 21-526 Veteran.) This application will require a copy of DD-214 (see below for more information) or separation papers, Medical Evaluation from a physician, current medical issues, net worth limitations, and net income, along with out-of-pocket Medical Expenses.

Can my Mom get veterans benefits for my dad's service?  How can we get veterans benefits for my dad?

Tough moment with a tough old gal at Mom's nursing home

I had a rough visit at mom's nursing home a couple of days ago.   Walking down the hall, a relatively new resident reached out to me and asked for my help.  She had lived at Mom's assisted living facility and I remember meeting her there; Irene was her name.  She was relatively lucid then so I took her hand and asked what she needed.  She began to cry and said she had to get home.  "Oh no.!" I thought to my self..." here we go...how do I get out of this?"  All I wanted to do was run away but that would be cruel.   She gave me a whole run down - her kids put here there;  her daughter in law is lieing and manipulative, rented out her home to her grandson; she could walk at home but they force her to stay in the wheelchair now.  She asked me to make calls for her, first her son in Vancouver, BC then her minister.   When I tried to move away from her she grabbed me again, "Won't you be my friend!?  Please don't leave me alone here. I don't know anyone!!."  More crying but I noticed no tears even though she dramatically dabbed at her eyes. 

I knelt down beside her to ask about her life - where she lived, what she did and who her kids where.   I was surprised at the change since I'd seen her last in February.  Her legs were now so swollen they were four times their normal size, her eyes were dull and didn't seem to follow me well.  In February she didn't look or act her 97 years -  perhaps 75 - but she sure looked it now.   I felt so bad for her.  I'm sure her fears and emotions were absolutely real.  Dementia is so damned cruel to leave her like this, in this child-like state, feeling abandoned, afraid and isolated.    Even though she's not my relative it made me feel bad that I felt even more guilt that my Mom lives there. I used to think that my mom's situation would be easier if she were more forgetful but at least she can understand that she has visitors, family who love her and friends who stay in touch.  And, she has made new friends and enjoys joking with the aides and staff.   Irene, can't do that. She forgets who they are; she remembers her kids as young people not the aging adults who manage her affairs. She can't understand the physical conditions that make her legs and feet swell.  I feel even more concern for my mother and fear that she'll reach the same state as Irene.  That will be so difficult to watch her suffer or if she didn't recognize me any more... OUCH!   I must keep in mind that, though it will be hard on me it's worse for her. 

Mom's party is a hit; old friends made her feel remembered and loved

As I planned Mom's birthday party I really worried that there was no one left to come but I was wrong.  I'm SO GRATEFUL that I was wrong!!!   We held it at her church so a few of those people attended, then a couple of her cousins came from out of town and some old neighbors just happened to be in town on the same weekend.  After the cake and ice cream we all went to her house for a family meal.  More neighbors came from down the street and made it a special evening. 

Mom was thrilled to see them all.  I felt bad that it was a relatively short open house, only 4 hours and she only had a few minutes with each person;  she would have loved more time to visit.  However, I have names and addresses now so we can go to see them!!   And I WILL take her.   She has different memories and stories to relate with each one of those people.  And, what nice people they are!!  

Mom's lived in the same town since 1936 and the same house since 1943.  Decades!!  I can't say that I've lived in one place that long.  I worry that I won't have the long-time friends and relationships like she's had.  While I wouldn't trade my experiences for much of anything, I envy her stability.  She and my dad created a satisfying life in the same place. They were involved in their community and made lasting relationships; they were - they ARE - respected.   They might not have had lots of money, didn't travel or have expensive toys but they had something much more precious.