Great site for special needs clothes!

Find clothes is so hard for mom now that she's weakened due to arthritis.   I just came across this site when I searched for clothes for a "dowagers hump"...  Though some of the things are spendy, I think there are some good options here - especially for easy-on slippers.   I will also look at the clothes in depth to see if I can modify any of mom's existing cloths for easier dressing (think off and on) or just to look better in general.

The name of the online store is Silverts, found here:  http://www.silverts.com/default.cfm?adv=AAA


Clothing for the elderly, clothing for dowagers hump, clothes for dowagers  hump, shoes for old feet, shoes for arthretic arthritic feet, shoes for hammer toes

Grandpa came through - sort of...

Update on my last post of March 30 - my friend grandfather WAS as sharp as we expected.   "G" went to his bank to advise them of this death and look for outstanding checks. She learned she was his one and only beneficiary on several accounts.  She has also been in touch with insurance carriers who advise her that she is the beneficiary of those accounts as well - it's enough to put her two youngest kids through college and start a nice retirement nest egg for herself.    

The two things Grandpa did not take care of - the title to his trailer home and brand new Lincoln  - will require that she go through probate in the state where he lived and died.   The attorney tells her that it will, by law, go to her father but she's okay with that.   She was so appreciative for the savings and insurance that she will not argue over these assets.   In the end, she almost feels sorry for her father because of what he missed not knowing his dad.  She's taking the high road and I'm proud of her.  I'm sure her Grandpa is too.

A friends kids miss out if she can't find grandpa's will

This weekend I've spent all my time with a  friend whos' grandfather just passed away.  She tried hard to quickly travel across the country to be with him in my town before he passed away.  Unfortunately, she was 3 hours too late.  She's never dealt with the business side of a death.  There are all sorts of things one must do - find wills, life insurance policies, savings or checking accounts, conduce probate, bills and funeral expenses.   It's detailed and things must be done legally..

My friend, we'll call her  "G",  was close to her grandfather and held his Power of Attorney for medical care.  For years he told her that he wanted her to have all of his savings and that it should be used to put her two youngest kids through college.   G never asked about wills, or amounts, or locations because she didn't want to be rude. She respected and loved Grandpa and didn't keep in touch with him because of this potential inheritance.   Her grandfather was really sharp until the end and had a good head for business; she assumed he'd taken care of it all.... 

So today, only 8 hours after Grandpa passed,  I helped her search his home for important papers and we found one document - a bank statement from January 2011.   Her son searched his computer for anything that might give a clue to his income and debts -  life insurance, check register, bills, car titles, deeds,   - anything that might help her understand Grandpa's financial status.   Nothing.  Just one bank statement with checking and savings and a small charge card balance.   Damn.......I thought about all the legalities necessary..... "Double Damn."  Then  an "oh shit!!" moment......

We sat down for a break and it dawned on me - if Grandpa did nothing, even though he told G what he wanted to happen,......  if Grandpa put nothing in writing.  If Grandpa didn't NOTARIZE anything, then, ...  "oh shit!!" ... everything would go to his son.  EVERYTHING.  Everything would go to a drug addicted, low-life that had not seen his father for more than 20 years.   Everything would go to a guy who did nothing but cause his parents deep hurt and take advantage of them.   I didn't want to say it out loud but I could not let G begin to conduct this business without that knowledge.  

I called some friends and got a reference for an attorney.  She called the bank to understand what they needed to set up an checking account for Grandpa's estate.  She can't do anything with out two things:  1. Death Certificates and 2. being named by the county as the Personal Representative for his estate.    Damn... 

The bottom line is that Grandpa died without a will and this WILL cause a huge mess. .  Unless he was astute enough to name her as beneficiary on his accounts and his life insurance then the law of the state prevails.     So now, she'll become his "personal representative" and start the probate process.   

The lesson for anyone else is clear:  write shit down!!!  Notarize it!  Have it recorded at the county clerk/assessor!!!  Make a will!  Fill out the beneficiary forms for life insurance, savings, checking, retirement accounts.  Don't wait, it could cost your loved ones and your wishes might not be honored.
Does grand pa grandma need a will?  Grandpa died without a will.  Why should i do a will.

completing a POSTfor Mom - the hard part about having Power of Attorney

During Mom's  hospitalization, I had to fulfill the uncomfortable part of being Mom's Power of Attorney.  I filled out a form called a P.O.S.T - Physicians order for scope of treatment.  It is intended to provide medical directives if a patient becomes incapacitated.   Normally completed by a patient and their doctor, I filled it out as Mom's Power of Attorney.  It is not something I ever wanted to do for Mom but it was clearly necessary at the time.   The POST replaces the DNR, the do not resuscitate order and living will.   With the form, Mom's doctor will work to ensure she's comfortable but no extraordinary measures will be used to prolong her life.   She's told us over and over that she wants no "tubes and wires" so this will ensure that no medical provider - not the nursing home, the hospital or the ER  - will go to extraordinary measures to keep her alive.  The form is easy enough, I checked off a few boxes and made some notes after talking with her doctor. 

This is the hardest part of being a Power of Attorney.  It is not something I want to do for Mom but it is something I agreed to do when I became her PoA.  She trusted me to carry out her wishes and look out for her best interest.  I believe that if a medical professional spoke to my Mom now, she would tell them to do "everything they can".  However, given her increasing forgetfulness and the combination of narcotic pain killers she's taking, I am not certain she could understand exactly what  "doing everything" means.   I based my instructions on the POST based on conversations I had with her a few years ago and on her current condition. 

This is the sad part about being her PoA. I signed papers giving instructions to her doctor about the end of her life.   It means that the end could happen at any time, for any reason that might be minor for someone younger and healthier. It really hits home how grave her condition is.

What is a POST? What is a physicians order for scope of treatment.?  What is a DNR?