Mom's wisdom

I saw my mom last weekend after 6 weeks - it's WAYYY too long to go between visits.  She remains philosophical about life.  Here is her latest wisdom:
Too soon old, too late smart she says, as well as:
- don't regret being compassionate or affectionate, neither are shameful things
- you'll think more about both when you're old and have all this time to sit and reflect
- fish more or grow more and shop less

Follow up on epidural for pain after broken sacrum

Mom suffered a broken sacrum just about one year ago but now she's relatively pain free and we're so thankful.  Mom's broken sacrum caused excruciating severe pain for several reasons - it's in a location that is the base of the body's core so key nerves pass through the sacrum.  The break was near the sciatic nerves, those that pass from the spine down into the legs.  The area was bruised which means broken capillaries; the problem is that nerves HATE blood and send pain signals to the brain in response to blood.  So - broken bones, swelling pushing the bones into sciatic nerves and the presence of blood around the nerves was just unbareable. Now mom's relatively pain free but she is much more bent and has no strength in her legs at all.  she can no longer roll over in bed either but that's probably safer since she can't roll out of bed.


Mom's doctor treated her with a combination of drugs and the miracle epidural right in the nerves.  She had immediate relief.  A year later, she still has a pain patch and takes a certain pain medication that works specifically on "nerve pain".  I don't know what that means or what it does but I don't care - Mom's pain free.  If it turned her hair purple, we would not care - anything is better than the torture she suffered last year.

Cause of pain due to broken sacrum,

Fall from a lift and mom's high tolerance to pain leave me worried

Mom's had another incident at the nursing home that will leave me worrying for a couple of weeks.   The aides use something called a "sit to stand lift" to move her from chair to toilet.  Apparently, she lost her grip and she slid out of the lift; the aid saw it coming and caught her and "sat her on the floor".  They said there's no bruising, no broken arms or legs and no pain so she seems fine. My fear now is that something more is wrong but the signs will be so subtle that it will go ignored or unnoticed until she's in excruciating pain; that's what happened last year about this time.
 
I worry that Mom will have pain but won't feel it.  Since her broken sacrum was diagnosed in February 2011, Mom's been on pain medication that works on her nerves (those little things that transmit pain to the brain) and she wears a pain patch.  To make it more complex, I believe that she has an increased tolerance to pain after a stroke during my birth.  I've seen her burn her hand canning and not realize it until her fingers are full of big blisters.  At that time she was un-phased and just kept working; she said "It doesn't hurt, it can't be that bad."

She "seemed fine" after the "assist to the floor" last January yet she ended up dead in the MRI machine.  I told the nurse who called to tell all the aides to look for "crankiness", impatience or asking the aides if it's time yet for another pain pill.  These are all signs that she's having more pain that SHE or the aide's realize.  I noticed it in her over the holidays - before the "assist to the floor", a month before her pain became excruciating.  Mom's normally in good spirits and doesn't complain; but at Christmas she was disgusted and griped constantly about everything - gifts, visitors, her shoes, her clothes, the aides, my hair, the beautician.  I realize now this was her pain talking.  We might have saved her from the MRI fiasco, the delerium of the narcotics and the bedridden period she required to "heal".  ( I don't believe her sacrum will ever "heal" but that's another post..)


I'm frustrated because I've expressed concern about this "sit-to-stand" lift for a few months.  It's a lift that uses straps under her arms to raise her up from a chair onto this small platform where she "stands" - holding on - while the lift is rolled right up to the toilet.  There she's lowered on to the commode to do her business.  The process is reversed to get her back to her chair.  

The straps that go under her arms are too loose and lift her from the shoulders than the behind.  I've told them she could suffer a dislocated shoulder; it falls on deaf ears.  She is also very weak in the hands and unable to grip the handles properly so I worry that she'll let go - which she did yesterday - and just fold up and fall out of the lift.  The aides and nurses don't seem to worry - when it comes to this stuff they are REACTIVE not PROACTIVE.  To do anything differently would require 2 aides not 1 - translation: the lift works for a one time price; another aide = another body at work costs too much.  I suppose they rationalize it by saying that they want the patient to do as much for themselves as possible. 

I know they are operating to make a profit but it often seems to be at the expense of my Mom's well being. 

Here are a couple of photos that illustrate the lift.  The one on the second is the type used with mom - the hand holds are black knobs.

sit-to-stand lifts risks, subtle signs of pain in elderly, use of lifts in nursing homes.

Be thankful there are people who don't like you...

Today, the day after a weekend of time spent with family and loving friends, I am left thankful that there are people who do not like me. In fact, the more they dis-like me the better.   The reason is simple: these people are so lacking in moral fiber and have such little thought for the feelings of others, that, if they did like me, I would wonder just what kind of low-life jerk I had become.

My cousin called this morning upset over mail he received from the attorney for his evil step mother.   Getting it brought back decades of hurtful memories caused in large part by her selfish behavior.  From the time he was 10, any interaction with her and most interaction with his father left him disappointed, feeling abandoned and cast aside.  The evil witch died months ago and her attorney and son, the Executor of her estate, mailed her will just in time for it to arrive on Christmas Eve.  Given the history of this woman, it is a fitting action for someone who was so maliciously and deliberately mean throughout her life. It seems that the evil things she did were lessons well learned by at least one of her children - the other wanted nothing to do with her..  I can understand why.

The "inheritance" she left to my cousin was the small sum of $1.  I am certain she did it so that there could be no way to contest the estate of her husband, father to my cousins, thus leaving everything to her sons.  It's not like there is a lot of cash property to be had and my cousins would not want it anyway because it means hashing up to much pain and disappointment.  But, to leave them with $1 and then send a letter at this time of year is just mean-spirited.   My cousins have had nothing to do with her for nearly 15 years, why is it necessary to send anything now?

Years ago in the 60's, this woman decided that she would marry my uncle - never mind that he was already married with one grown daughter and 2 sons at home.  She pursued him in a town small enough that most people knew everyone else's business and he was happy to have the additional female attention. Neither of them cared that the eldest son was ridiculed by friends on the main street of town because his father was seen out with another woman. Neither of them cared that his youngest sat and sat and sat waiting the driveway of the other woman's house while my uncle visited her and her sons inside.  There were too many times to count that my uncle made a promise to my cousins only to take it back because his girl friend and then wife made other plans.   Most times, she was there to hear the plans and readily agreed yet when the time came, my uncle would cancel at the last minute in deference to her.  She knew my cousins would be hurt and disappointed yet she made other plans anyway.  After seeing her do this over and over, one can only conclude that she knew EXACTLY what she was doing.  We are left to wonder why - there was no threat to her or her relationship with my uncle.  His first wife was to tired and busy working to put up a fight.  My uncle's siblings were too darned polite to cause a rift between them so why go out of her way to hurt his kids?

Through it all my cousins tried to put their hurt aside and treat their father with respect and kindness. When he died, none of them got a call until after he passed even though he was hospitalized for days.  They were denied the gift of simply saying good bye.  None of them wanted anything to memorialize him except for small sentimental things - a fishing pole perhaps - yet she responded with mean cursing, name calling and restraining orders.  She was always good at playing the victim yet she was the ultimate culprit in hurt and meanness.  I've known people who called her, "that poor Pat, the single mother with the sick son."  There was nothing poor about her.  She wanted someone to take care of her and did it at the terrible expense of 4 others.   I can't let my uncle off the hook - he is just as culpable but I do not  believe he was as capable of such malicious planning as she.  His are sins of insecurity and thoughtlessness.  He didn't realize how much he was loved and needed by his family.  His 2nd wife KNEW how much the first family loved and needed him. Taking him away from them made her feel powerful and happy.  God forbid someone like that come into my life - or anyone else's for that matter.

It makes me sad to write something like this at a time of the year when we should be appreciative of family but it also sets me free.  I am thankful that my family and friendships are genuine and sincere!