Saturday, June 6, 2009

Making decisions for Mom means risking her anger and hurt

Mom has changed, she is no longer the realistic practical mom I grew up with. She is whining, complaining about minutia like the texture of pasta, toast that's too light and watery soup. She refuses to get out and meet others; she makes excuses not to walk or talk. I must accept that she will not make decisions for herself any more, that we must decide on her behalf.

Dealing with this change is the hardest part of helping my Mom. She is the one who convinced me to take a class in logic and explained abstract math concepts of algebra. To realize that our roles have completely shifted is difficult. It means admitting that she is dependent on me to make most of her decisions. It means that even though I discuss things with her, I might make a decision that is contrary to her wishes. She can still understand a smart argument for or against something yet her emotions always seem to win out. She can't always apply reason and it's difficult for me to comprehend how that can be.

I am afraid to make these decisions because it means she might be hurt or angry with me. I feel guilty because I feel manipulative. I know what needs to be done and must get her to come to the same conclusion, some times that means telling half truths or filtering the information I provide to her. It's for her own good I suppose but it doesn't mean it feels good to me.