Finding Mom in the dark makes me SEE RED!!!!

My good mood over having Mom home on Christmas Eve disappeared quickly when I went to see her Christmas Day.   I found her sitting in her room in the DARK!  She was trapped, sitting in her wheel chair with nothing to do and no way to get out of the room.  Her call button was no where to be found - I found it wedged under her pillow and completely out of her reach. Her roommate was asleep and her wheelchair was between Mom and the door, Mom's TV (which is on a swinging arm) was above her head, off and out of her reach.  The lights were off - switches also out of her reach - and there was a table wedged between her and her dresser which holds her reading materials and pens.   She was just sitting there in the dark like some blanket they laid down on a table top. 

I was so mad - and so hurt for her.   There is no excuse for this - I told the aides who were circled around the nurses station how I found her and they said "she can call for help".  They didn't want to believe where I found the call button and that it was out of her reach.  They are so freaking clueless!!!! They all looked young and I'd never seen any of them before - a new crew, probably the newest hires since they were working Christmas Day.  It should not matter.  I expect an experienced nurse or aid on duty to prevent this kind of crap.   They might have thought she was asleep but they should have put her in bed or her easy chair NOT left her sitting in the wheel chair.

So - before leaving town I wrote a letter to the administrator and left it in her office.   She's had 2 days to read it and I've not heard a thing.   (She dislikes me already because I - justifiably - complained about the size of Mom's wheelchair and a worn out pad that meant she slipped forward and fell out of it. )  Tomorrow I'll call the social services office and see what they have to say.    If it happens again, I'm called a friend who works for the state department of medicaide and ask for an inspection.  If they're slipping up on basic things, then larger more severe problems are probably hidding in there too!!

Oh how I wish I could win the lottery so I could hire some help and take her home!!!  If I could, I'd buy a big house and invite a couple of her friends to live with her.  They could all have such a good quality of life with the right care givers and the right layout in a home.  They could sleep in or stay up late if they wished.  They could be active - they could do things they enjoy and only do as much as they could with help and continue to feel like they have something to offer.   UGH!! These nursing homes are just too large, they are run by huge for-profit companies that don't care about their residents.   It's immoral.  it's down right immoral!!

Certain aides make life bareable for Mom - my thanks to them

Since Mom's been in assisted living (ALF) and now a nursing home, I've found that certain aides make all the difference when it comes to her sense of well being.   At the ALF there were a four aides that really made Mom's life better.  At her nursing home there are a couple that tell me she's special to them. All have the same thing in common: they were firm but patient, spoke to her in a loving yet NOT condescending manner and showed her affection.   The MOST important trait common to all of these wonderful people is this: they realize that old age is hard and have empathy for the condition of these people.  They understand that they are frustrated by an inability to move or breath easily. They realize that people WANT to do things for themselves but the body is unable.  They give hugs and don't make the residents feel rushed even though there are too many people and not enough time.

Don't get me wrong, not all of the aides and staff that deal with our elders are kind and thoughtful; I've seen plenty of jerks but for the most part, they are kind and try to do right by our elders.