A friends kids miss out if she can't find grandpa's will

This weekend I've spent all my time with a  friend whos' grandfather just passed away.  She tried hard to quickly travel across the country to be with him in my town before he passed away.  Unfortunately, she was 3 hours too late.  She's never dealt with the business side of a death.  There are all sorts of things one must do - find wills, life insurance policies, savings or checking accounts, conduce probate, bills and funeral expenses.   It's detailed and things must be done legally..

My friend, we'll call her  "G",  was close to her grandfather and held his Power of Attorney for medical care.  For years he told her that he wanted her to have all of his savings and that it should be used to put her two youngest kids through college.   G never asked about wills, or amounts, or locations because she didn't want to be rude. She respected and loved Grandpa and didn't keep in touch with him because of this potential inheritance.   Her grandfather was really sharp until the end and had a good head for business; she assumed he'd taken care of it all.... 

So today, only 8 hours after Grandpa passed,  I helped her search his home for important papers and we found one document - a bank statement from January 2011.   Her son searched his computer for anything that might give a clue to his income and debts -  life insurance, check register, bills, car titles, deeds,   - anything that might help her understand Grandpa's financial status.   Nothing.  Just one bank statement with checking and savings and a small charge card balance.   Damn.......I thought about all the legalities necessary..... "Double Damn."  Then  an "oh shit!!" moment......

We sat down for a break and it dawned on me - if Grandpa did nothing, even though he told G what he wanted to happen,......  if Grandpa put nothing in writing.  If Grandpa didn't NOTARIZE anything, then, ...  "oh shit!!" ... everything would go to his son.  EVERYTHING.  Everything would go to a drug addicted, low-life that had not seen his father for more than 20 years.   Everything would go to a guy who did nothing but cause his parents deep hurt and take advantage of them.   I didn't want to say it out loud but I could not let G begin to conduct this business without that knowledge.  

I called some friends and got a reference for an attorney.  She called the bank to understand what they needed to set up an checking account for Grandpa's estate.  She can't do anything with out two things:  1. Death Certificates and 2. being named by the county as the Personal Representative for his estate.    Damn... 

The bottom line is that Grandpa died without a will and this WILL cause a huge mess. .  Unless he was astute enough to name her as beneficiary on his accounts and his life insurance then the law of the state prevails.     So now, she'll become his "personal representative" and start the probate process.   

The lesson for anyone else is clear:  write shit down!!!  Notarize it!  Have it recorded at the county clerk/assessor!!!  Make a will!  Fill out the beneficiary forms for life insurance, savings, checking, retirement accounts.  Don't wait, it could cost your loved ones and your wishes might not be honored.
Does grand pa grandma need a will?  Grandpa died without a will.  Why should i do a will.

Veterans benefits may be available

I was surprised to learn that there are veterans benefits available to provide for disabled veterans OR their spouses.   Called the Aid and Attendance Pension, it's intended to help vets and their families when they are unable to care for themselves. 

Here's the text from the VA web site.  To see more follow this link: http://www.veteranaid.org/program.php

THE AID & ATTENDANCE PENSION

The Aid and Attendance (A&A) Pension provides benefits for veterans and surviving spouses who require the regular attendance of another person to assist in eating, bathing, dressing and undressing or taking care of the needs of nature. It also includes individuals who are blind or a patient in a nursing home because of mental or physical incapacity. Assisted care in an assisting living facility also qualifies.

To qualify for A&A it needs to be established by your physician that you require daily assistance by others to dress, undress, bathing, cooking, eating, taking on or off of prosthetics, leave home etc. You DO NOT have to require assistance with all of these. There simply needs to be adequate medical evidence that you cannot function completely on your own.

The A&A Pension can provide up to $1,632 per month to a veteran, $1,055 per month to a surviving spouse, or $1,949 per month to a couple*.

Eligibility must be proven by filing the proper Veterans Application for Pension or Compensation. (Form 21-534 surviving spouse) (Form 21-526 Veteran.) This application will require a copy of DD-214 (see below for more information) or separation papers, Medical Evaluation from a physician, current medical issues, net worth limitations, and net income, along with out-of-pocket Medical Expenses.

Can my Mom get veterans benefits for my dad's service?  How can we get veterans benefits for my dad?

Additional information requested by Medicaide

Two weeks ago I submitted a Medicaide application for Mom to her state Department of Health and Welfare.   Last week, Wednesday to be exact, I got a call from a lady reviewing her information.   She needs MORE information from me.  I expected this request but didn't know exactly what she'd need.   Long story short, she needs information that specifically identifies Mom's expenses for medical insurance and prescriptions.   This is necessary so the state can very specifically determine how much of Mom's money will go to her basic needs, her assisted living facility, her medical insurance and her prescriptions.  Then the state will determine exactly how much they will contribute toward her room and board at the ALF.    This leaves me really stressed about two things:

First:  We need to get a signature on a form, called an "Intent to Return Home".  My brother and I are really worried over getting her signature on this form.  We fear that she'll believe it means that she can go home then we'll have to tell her all over again, why she can't.

Second:  I worry that the state will pay so very little that the ALF will require her to share a room.  I worry that she'll get a disruptive and mean roommate.   I've heard awful stories from friends and acquaintances about room mates stealing money, clothing, pooping in beds, locking themselves in share bathrooms and the like.  Yikes!!!  All I can do is pray for the best and try to make plans to reduce her stress if she gets a room mate.

Why is this "Intent to Return Home" form necessary?  Because, without it, the state might force the immediate sale of her home to pay for her care.  If my brother didn't need a place to live, if the market were better and we'd get more money for it, we'd gladly do support her.  But!  the reality is that my brother, with his own health issues and need for low-cost housing, needs to live at her home.   She would also be heartbroken to know that her home is sold; she would loose all hope.   We are letting her live in a state of denial.  It keeps her happy and supports her sense of well being.  The state WILL recoup the money they spend on Mom by forcing us to sell it upon her death.   The state will place liens on it each year for the amount paid on Mom's behalf and collect when it sells.  I have no problem with this arrangement; it means we will probably get nothing from her estate but that's okay.  She should pay her way and this way she will.  This gives us a means to ensure my brother has a home andshe feels good that "home" is there just in case she may return and the state gets it's money. 

The "Medicaide Lady" also asked for a print out of her pharmacy expenses for the past quarter, October 1 through December 31; a copy of her Medicare Card and copy of her last pension check stub.   This seems like a pain because I provided her with a list of these expenses and an average of her prescription costs based on what the pharmacy has been charging to my credit card. But, she needs evidence and she's in charge so we comply.  I understand why and it's really in Mom's best interest, she wants to ensure there are no extra prescription fees, no extra premiums for Medicare Part D and the like.  So - I have a couple of things with me and my brother will gather some of the documentation and we'll send it in.   The next hurdle will be a visit from a nurse to gauge Mom's need for assisted living and nursing care.  

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