We received a letter from Medicaide that said Mom's aid level was about $390 a month. It's good news that they processed it so quickly but I still have questions. The letter arrived at my mothers house where my brother lives so he read it to me. He's not very patient so I didn't ask him to read it over and must trust him when he says "it's a short letter and there's no other discussion or facts."
Luckily, the director of Mom's ALF called this morning to tell me about the information they received from Medicaide. She was very clear about the details, and long story short: Adding Mom's income and Medicaide, she will be $1125 short each month for her rent. Since we paid her rent for January, that total amount is considered a credit with the ALF. We'll divide that balance by two and use it to pay for January and February. Come March, Mom will have to share a room. Her room is already very small so they will try to move her to a larger room. I expressed concern about mean or aggressive roommates and she assured me they will work with us to find someone who mom will enjoy. I am also concerned that the room will be too crowded. Nearly all of the residents have walkers, so with two beds, two walkers or wheel chairs and a couple of rockers or recliners and the room will be chock full! I HATE that she has to share a room but she complains about lack of company so perhaps it will be good for her.
Now more work for me - getting things set up on direct deposit for pension checks, payment of rent and payment of pharmacy bills. Ugh!
Showing posts with label assisted living. Show all posts
Showing posts with label assisted living. Show all posts
Tuesday, January 19, 2010
Sunday, January 3, 2010
Finally!! Mom had a good day!
This evening I finally heard the attitude in Mom that I've been praying for. Mom told me that she had a good day and that she enjoyed the young people that worked at the ALF! Today, for the first time in 7 months, I left her room without feeling guilty. I will leave town after a weeks' visit without feeling guilty. I know she'll still have some bad days and bad moods but for now I am so VERY, VERY relieved. It's an enormous weight off my mind.
Her good day started with good conversation. Her tablemate's son visited during breakfast and they had quite a talk about the railroad and the men - my uncles - who worked there. She also had some fun with the other women in her dining room; they schemed about practical jokes that they could play on other residents and the aides. It's refreshing that her spirited side can still come through.
Mom seemed to sense that I needed to hear something positive from her. She's missed having people go in and out of her home; it's been a long time since lively young people ran in and out. She enjoyed the aides that came in to plop down on her bed for a few minutes to take a breather and check on her. She likes that they feel comfortable enough to stretch out on her bed or sit for a coffee or soda with her. I'm liking that she's feeling at home and so comfortable with the other residents and staff.
Her good day started with good conversation. Her tablemate's son visited during breakfast and they had quite a talk about the railroad and the men - my uncles - who worked there. She also had some fun with the other women in her dining room; they schemed about practical jokes that they could play on other residents and the aides. It's refreshing that her spirited side can still come through.
Mom seemed to sense that I needed to hear something positive from her. She's missed having people go in and out of her home; it's been a long time since lively young people ran in and out. She enjoyed the aides that came in to plop down on her bed for a few minutes to take a breather and check on her. She likes that they feel comfortable enough to stretch out on her bed or sit for a coffee or soda with her. I'm liking that she's feeling at home and so comfortable with the other residents and staff.
Monday, December 14, 2009
The Plunger Incident caused some waves but we'll see...
I got an email from the ALF Director a couple of days ago. She outlined the preventive measures they put in place after the messy plunger was left in Mom's room. It contained all of the things I wanted to see but I am dubious. It's because I must rely on others judgement and sense of responsibility to help my mom and NO ONE will take as good care of her as I would.
I fear what will happen - or really, what won't happen - when I'm not there to keep an eye out. I wonder if they ensure she knows about the nail spas, the music and singers that come to entertain and if they help her to the living room where she can have coffee and visit.
My family and I are committed to keeping an eye out. We'll coordinate with each other and we'll report any problems to the state next time. But, they don't visit as often as they should and I can't be there more than a week at a time, so what happens when we're not there? What happens when she's on her own? I spoke to a couple of the regular aides and they said they will try to keep an eye on her and on the other aides who might not care as much. It's something - I hope for their good intentions to come true. It's all I can do until I can get there again.
I fear what will happen - or really, what won't happen - when I'm not there to keep an eye out. I wonder if they ensure she knows about the nail spas, the music and singers that come to entertain and if they help her to the living room where she can have coffee and visit.
My family and I are committed to keeping an eye out. We'll coordinate with each other and we'll report any problems to the state next time. But, they don't visit as often as they should and I can't be there more than a week at a time, so what happens when we're not there? What happens when she's on her own? I spoke to a couple of the regular aides and they said they will try to keep an eye on her and on the other aides who might not care as much. It's something - I hope for their good intentions to come true. It's all I can do until I can get there again.
Wednesday, November 4, 2009
Lack of communication by the Assisted Living Center - what a PAIN
For each week that Mom's in this assisted living facility (ALF) I find another reason that I want to move her. Some times it's based on Mom's comments or complaint, some time's it's because they just don't seem organized. Some times they do something that makes me wonder just how well they take care of my Mom.
Today it was a miss communication about a doctor's visit and now I'm ticked off. She had an appointment with the doctor at 2:45pm. The van was supposed to drive her there and my brother was all set to meet her. He planned to take her for coffee and pie afterward then return her to the ALF. So, I called the ALF about 1pm to remind them that she needs lots of notice to get ready, then I called Mom to remind her and she'd ALREADY BEEN THERE! She said the van driver took her in, waited and then drove around for about 30 minutes before taking her back. She was thrilled to get out and enjoy the sunshine. While I was happy that things went smoothly and that she enjoyed the ride, I was upset because my brother made arrangements to meet her there. He changed his schedule to be there and he also planned take her out. No one told us that the appointment was changed!
The doctor's office worked with the ALF to change the appointment from the afternoon to morning but the ALF didn't tell the family. The doctor's office left a reminder message on my NEPHEW's phone - he's not even on the contact list. He passed on the message but we didn't talk about the TIME. The ALF didn't call us even though they're supposed to tell us EACH time she has an appointment.
The bottom line for the ALF is that they just have WAY, WAY too many people to care for and not enough staff to tend to these details. It leaves me wondering about the other details that slip through the cracks. Or worse - WHO - slips through the cracks.
Today it was a miss communication about a doctor's visit and now I'm ticked off. She had an appointment with the doctor at 2:45pm. The van was supposed to drive her there and my brother was all set to meet her. He planned to take her for coffee and pie afterward then return her to the ALF. So, I called the ALF about 1pm to remind them that she needs lots of notice to get ready, then I called Mom to remind her and she'd ALREADY BEEN THERE! She said the van driver took her in, waited and then drove around for about 30 minutes before taking her back. She was thrilled to get out and enjoy the sunshine. While I was happy that things went smoothly and that she enjoyed the ride, I was upset because my brother made arrangements to meet her there. He changed his schedule to be there and he also planned take her out. No one told us that the appointment was changed!
The doctor's office worked with the ALF to change the appointment from the afternoon to morning but the ALF didn't tell the family. The doctor's office left a reminder message on my NEPHEW's phone - he's not even on the contact list. He passed on the message but we didn't talk about the TIME. The ALF didn't call us even though they're supposed to tell us EACH time she has an appointment.
The bottom line for the ALF is that they just have WAY, WAY too many people to care for and not enough staff to tend to these details. It leaves me wondering about the other details that slip through the cracks. Or worse - WHO - slips through the cracks.
Wednesday, August 12, 2009
Mom's address book is a poignant tale
I found a sad and poignant reminder of the entirely of Mom's life the other day. I was helping her put together some clippings and a letter to her uncle when I opened her address book and something struck me as odd. Many of the names were crossed out with a single stroke, in many cases all the entries on entire pages were marked. Each stroke was deliberate and just the same. Mom began at the lower left corner of each entry and quickly drew a slash up and to the right over the city, over the middle of the address and the last part of the name. Reading the names, I realized they were friends or family that had passed away.
I asked if she had done it all at once or as people passed away. "All at once about three years ago. I update it when I learn that another one has died." I could picture her, looking for an address then realizing that there were more dead listed an alive. This list was of the people most important to her - aunts, uncles, distant cousins, friends from the years of church service, PTA, boy and girl scouts, politicians who helped with a tax battle, democrats and neighbors who moved away.
Her entries were always tidy and in ink. Early on each letter is clear; each digit carefully spaced for readiability. As she added new entries for grand kids, medicare, supplemental insurance, doctors and such, her writing became a little more slanted. Often the letters hovered above the straight lines or crowded another. For the most recent entries, I found an extra consonant in names or cities and states but the names were fine. The precision wasn't as important to her anymore as the recording of the information. Details are all there but her presentation is no longer tidy. It's like her hair, white, wiry and harder to control but still there making a white glow around her little head.
I asked if she had done it all at once or as people passed away. "All at once about three years ago. I update it when I learn that another one has died." I could picture her, looking for an address then realizing that there were more dead listed an alive. This list was of the people most important to her - aunts, uncles, distant cousins, friends from the years of church service, PTA, boy and girl scouts, politicians who helped with a tax battle, democrats and neighbors who moved away.
Her entries were always tidy and in ink. Early on each letter is clear; each digit carefully spaced for readiability. As she added new entries for grand kids, medicare, supplemental insurance, doctors and such, her writing became a little more slanted. Often the letters hovered above the straight lines or crowded another. For the most recent entries, I found an extra consonant in names or cities and states but the names were fine. The precision wasn't as important to her anymore as the recording of the information. Details are all there but her presentation is no longer tidy. It's like her hair, white, wiry and harder to control but still there making a white glow around her little head.
Meeting with ALF Administrator shows some quick results.
Five days ago I met with the ALF administrator and outlined my concerns in detail; already I see an improvement in Mom's care plans. I began my discussion by telling the Administrator that the request of Mom's physician to move Mom was forcing me to talk with her. The Administrator responded very positively to me. Over all, she claimed that more training was required for all the aides. I agreed but also said that the shear number of residents required MORE aides. At some point it becomes a matter of safety.
I tried to be tactful, to site specific examples, names and dates. This approach was well received. She took the complaints about the food in stride and said most residents complain about it because it's one of the few things that people feel they can control. Food likes and dislikes are also quite different across people so each person is bound to have some complaints at some point.
The personnel matters I described were another matter completely. As a project manager, the behavior I saw on the part of the LPNs and RN indicate that there is an antagonistic relationship building and that the LPNs have no desire to work as part of a team. It's a hard thing to tell someone - that their direct reports are manipulative shirkers - and that I believe it stems primarily from having TOO MUCH WORK TO DO. Two LPNs to coordinate meds and doctors orders and one RN to over see treatment is just TOO few staff to safetly monitor 170 to 180 people. Some time, someone, some where will fall through the cracks. I just hope that the victim does not suffer needlessly. Until we can move our Mom, we need a strategy to ensure Mom receives quality care.
I, my brother, his wife and daughter realize that we must ensure that Mom doesn't fall through the cracks. We hope to plan our schedules so that at least one of us visits daily for the next couple of months. By then we hope a single room opens at the smaller assisted living residence. I hope this new approach will suit her physician and give him some confidence that Mom is getting good care.
I tried to be tactful, to site specific examples, names and dates. This approach was well received. She took the complaints about the food in stride and said most residents complain about it because it's one of the few things that people feel they can control. Food likes and dislikes are also quite different across people so each person is bound to have some complaints at some point.
The personnel matters I described were another matter completely. As a project manager, the behavior I saw on the part of the LPNs and RN indicate that there is an antagonistic relationship building and that the LPNs have no desire to work as part of a team. It's a hard thing to tell someone - that their direct reports are manipulative shirkers - and that I believe it stems primarily from having TOO MUCH WORK TO DO. Two LPNs to coordinate meds and doctors orders and one RN to over see treatment is just TOO few staff to safetly monitor 170 to 180 people. Some time, someone, some where will fall through the cracks. I just hope that the victim does not suffer needlessly. Until we can move our Mom, we need a strategy to ensure Mom receives quality care.
I, my brother, his wife and daughter realize that we must ensure that Mom doesn't fall through the cracks. We hope to plan our schedules so that at least one of us visits daily for the next couple of months. By then we hope a single room opens at the smaller assisted living residence. I hope this new approach will suit her physician and give him some confidence that Mom is getting good care.
Tuesday, July 28, 2009
Doctor unhappy with ALF and I agree
My niece and sister-in-law visited the Doctor's office with my mother last week. His news was a shock: he feels that mom is not getting the individual assistance she needs at her ALF and he wants us to move her someplace smaller. I think I agree but hate the idea of going through it all again. I am concerned about Mom's state since she is getting regular healthy meals and her meds on time each day - which didn't happen at home. Why - after 3 months - has her condition deteriorated so much? She's lost more strength in the past 3 months than she had the prior year!
Before I go into much detail I must say that her doctor is great. He's been her physicial for 30+ years and is very thorough. I trust him and his judgement; he's kept Mom well and knows what he is doing. He has numerous small examples that amount to a very large issue for me - the ALF is not communicating, not with him and not with the family. Apparently he's made numerous times at various times trying to reach a nurse. He's been told that no nurse is available to discuss Mom's meds or condition. He's faxed her meds to them and received no confirmation. He's left messages but has not heard back from them after trying to reach them for three weeks.
I am also concerned and plan to raise hell. I've had a hard time getting mom on the phone - I call, she doesn't answer. I believe she can't hear it ringing. I hoped that she was out doing something but, it's not that good I fear. I came to town last night after being away for 6 weeks and found Mom asleep in her chair. During my visit, I learned from an aid that Mom had 6 falls in the week before my visit. SIX!!! I got a voice mail about one fall two days ago but not the other 5!
When I arrived I found Mom asleep in her chair at 130pm in the afternoon. We woke her up and she seemed groggy and very weak- much weaker than she was when I left 6 weeks ago. There is only one thing that it drastically different than her conditions at home - she is getting her medications on a regular basis. I fear that one of them is causing problems - plaquenil. Before moving into the ALF, Mom had used only one full, 30-day, plaquenil prescription during the prior 12 months. I was concerned that her arthritis was getting worse because she failed to take the plaquenil now I am worried that it's causing her decline! Possible side effects are:
Before I go into much detail I must say that her doctor is great. He's been her physicial for 30+ years and is very thorough. I trust him and his judgement; he's kept Mom well and knows what he is doing. He has numerous small examples that amount to a very large issue for me - the ALF is not communicating, not with him and not with the family. Apparently he's made numerous times at various times trying to reach a nurse. He's been told that no nurse is available to discuss Mom's meds or condition. He's faxed her meds to them and received no confirmation. He's left messages but has not heard back from them after trying to reach them for three weeks.
I am also concerned and plan to raise hell. I've had a hard time getting mom on the phone - I call, she doesn't answer. I believe she can't hear it ringing. I hoped that she was out doing something but, it's not that good I fear. I came to town last night after being away for 6 weeks and found Mom asleep in her chair. During my visit, I learned from an aid that Mom had 6 falls in the week before my visit. SIX!!! I got a voice mail about one fall two days ago but not the other 5!
When I arrived I found Mom asleep in her chair at 130pm in the afternoon. We woke her up and she seemed groggy and very weak- much weaker than she was when I left 6 weeks ago. There is only one thing that it drastically different than her conditions at home - she is getting her medications on a regular basis. I fear that one of them is causing problems - plaquenil. Before moving into the ALF, Mom had used only one full, 30-day, plaquenil prescription during the prior 12 months. I was concerned that her arthritis was getting worse because she failed to take the plaquenil now I am worried that it's causing her decline! Possible side effects are:
- hearing loss - Mom's has worsened in the past 3 months
- muscle weakness - she is definitely weaker in spite of physical therapy
- ringing in the ears - Mom's complained of this for 3 months
Tuesday, June 23, 2009
Friends pride and denial risks Mom's safey
An old friend called a couple of days ago looking to find some way to help her mother after she returned home from a back surgery. It was an odd call full of questions from her and sound answers from me (or so I thought...) but I don't think she got the answers she wanted from me. Long story short, my friend can't realize that her mother probably needs the professional care of LPNs, RNs or CNAs after surgery. She wants to keep her mother in her own home rather than use the available resources to ensure that her Mom is safe and well tended during her recouperation. She seems too proud to admit that her mother needs the additional assistance of professional care givers.
Here's the scenario:
Friend's Mom is 84 and has severe osteoporosis; so bad that she broke three ribs trying to lift a 10 pound chicken from the freezer and thus the need for surgery. She lives alone, goes to mass each morning and walks 2 miles a day. In the past year she has been hospitalized and recouperated at home after a severe bladder infection and again after surgery to repair cracked vertebrae. The vertebrae surgery required a brace that was nearly impossible for her to get off and on by herself and limited her movement and increased her risks of falls. Friends Mom had bad experiences with pain medication; she was either allergic or took too much but because she was home recouperating alone, no one knows for sure. She woke up on a soaked kitchen floor with buckets, cups and plates all around her and no memory of what happened. There have also been some instances when Friends Mom got lost when she travelled to an unfamiliar part of town; it's small enough that she should have been able to find her way to familar territory.
My friend hoped to work out a schedule with her siblings (think no cost to Mom) but they all have commitments to jobs, kids in school and in-laws that need support during chemo and surgeries as well. Her dependable and responsible siblings used their available vacation time for Mom's previous recouperation so had none left to use.
My first response was : Let Medicare pay for time in a rehab center (nursing home). (They pay for 100 days, 3+ months of rehab care after surgery or hospitalization).
I thought my friend would have a herd of cows right then and there! You'd think I suggested throwing her Mom out the car door at high speed. It went something like this: (Explicative)...Mom can't go to a nursing home! She's not one of those old ladies! How could you even SAY that?!! My second suggestion was to contact a home health care provider to go by 3 to 4 times a day but at nearly $16 per hour that was out of the question as well.
In all honesty, Friends Mom IS one of those old ladies. She is quite frail, needs someone to ensure she eats and taked meds regularily. She also needs companionship and, most important of all, she needs some skilled nursing care (think professionally trained) and rehabilitation to get back on her feet after this surgery. She will ONLY get that at a nursing home or from home health care aides. If you can afford the care at home, by all means, do it, other wise take advantage of the Medicare policy and let your elder get the care s/he needs. 100 days is a long time to recoupe from a surgery and she would probably would not be there long but she's likely to recoupe faster with the care they can provide. Rehab centers or nursing homes are well prepared to deliver 3 meals a day, medications, physical therapy, bathing and toileting assistance. These are things that we just can't do well at home if we're helping out as our busy schedules permit. Our Elders deserve the full attention of professionals if we aren't able to do it.
To be sensitive to my friend - She has deep love and respect for her Mom. She wants to be supportive, she feels guilty and knows her Mom will feel best emotionally at home. Yet,she expects too much of local relatives who can't be there and she is unable to travel to help due to her own job. I can say, based on my own failure to act, denial is really easy but can cost Mom a lot in the end. There comes a time when our elders need our help in spite of our own preferences, pride and aversions. Let go of the stigma that nursing homes are terrible. Most of these facilities realize that the payments they get from Medicare are important and reliable revenue; they won't screw it up. Their employees also enjoy knowing that they can help elders get back on their feet and WANT to see them go home because it means they did their job well and had a success. They are proud of the kind care they can provide; we just need to swallow ours and let them do their jobs for our elders.
Here's the scenario:
Friend's Mom is 84 and has severe osteoporosis; so bad that she broke three ribs trying to lift a 10 pound chicken from the freezer and thus the need for surgery. She lives alone, goes to mass each morning and walks 2 miles a day. In the past year she has been hospitalized and recouperated at home after a severe bladder infection and again after surgery to repair cracked vertebrae. The vertebrae surgery required a brace that was nearly impossible for her to get off and on by herself and limited her movement and increased her risks of falls. Friends Mom had bad experiences with pain medication; she was either allergic or took too much but because she was home recouperating alone, no one knows for sure. She woke up on a soaked kitchen floor with buckets, cups and plates all around her and no memory of what happened. There have also been some instances when Friends Mom got lost when she travelled to an unfamiliar part of town; it's small enough that she should have been able to find her way to familar territory.
My friend hoped to work out a schedule with her siblings (think no cost to Mom) but they all have commitments to jobs, kids in school and in-laws that need support during chemo and surgeries as well. Her dependable and responsible siblings used their available vacation time for Mom's previous recouperation so had none left to use.
My first response was : Let Medicare pay for time in a rehab center (nursing home). (They pay for 100 days, 3+ months of rehab care after surgery or hospitalization).
I thought my friend would have a herd of cows right then and there! You'd think I suggested throwing her Mom out the car door at high speed. It went something like this: (Explicative)...Mom can't go to a nursing home! She's not one of those old ladies! How could you even SAY that?!! My second suggestion was to contact a home health care provider to go by 3 to 4 times a day but at nearly $16 per hour that was out of the question as well.
In all honesty, Friends Mom IS one of those old ladies. She is quite frail, needs someone to ensure she eats and taked meds regularily. She also needs companionship and, most important of all, she needs some skilled nursing care (think professionally trained) and rehabilitation to get back on her feet after this surgery. She will ONLY get that at a nursing home or from home health care aides. If you can afford the care at home, by all means, do it, other wise take advantage of the Medicare policy and let your elder get the care s/he needs. 100 days is a long time to recoupe from a surgery and she would probably would not be there long but she's likely to recoupe faster with the care they can provide. Rehab centers or nursing homes are well prepared to deliver 3 meals a day, medications, physical therapy, bathing and toileting assistance. These are things that we just can't do well at home if we're helping out as our busy schedules permit. Our Elders deserve the full attention of professionals if we aren't able to do it.
To be sensitive to my friend - She has deep love and respect for her Mom. She wants to be supportive, she feels guilty and knows her Mom will feel best emotionally at home. Yet,she expects too much of local relatives who can't be there and she is unable to travel to help due to her own job. I can say, based on my own failure to act, denial is really easy but can cost Mom a lot in the end. There comes a time when our elders need our help in spite of our own preferences, pride and aversions. Let go of the stigma that nursing homes are terrible. Most of these facilities realize that the payments they get from Medicare are important and reliable revenue; they won't screw it up. Their employees also enjoy knowing that they can help elders get back on their feet and WANT to see them go home because it means they did their job well and had a success. They are proud of the kind care they can provide; we just need to swallow ours and let them do their jobs for our elders.
Wednesday, May 27, 2009
Don't wait too long to move your parent
I fear we waited too long to move Mom. We worked hard for several years to keep her at home, until her arthritis made her too weak to do even the most basic things and she neglected to take her medication. We thought we did the honorable thing, working together to keep her at home. But, in the long run, it may have been a mistake.
At this point she is so weakened and crippled by arthritis, especially in one knee, that she can not walk from her room to public areas of the assisted living facility. She is unable to walk, unassisted to meet other residents and refuses to learn her way around. She is isolated and lonely. She feels more alone than ever before in her life and there is nothing we can do about it. We try to visit often, the care givers offer to help her walk but she is unwilling to call them.
This morning I visited Mom and she asked to go home again. I had a pretty bad migraine headache and was quite frustrated after hearing this daily for a week. She has also begun to accuse the aides of intentionally doing the opposite of what she asks which is NOT at all like my mother. I knelt on the floor then sat back on my heels in front of her recliner and broke into tears. Mom apologized and said "I'm sorry to be such a burden..." I told her that it's not a burden but that she must realize that she has severe limitations now and that we just can't take care of her at home. She craves conversation with people she's known for years; the problem is that many of them are dead. Those still living are demented or too deaf to communicate. She wants to share memories and laugh with people who shared her experiences but it is impossible.
Making her totally content is impossible so we must be thankful for moments when we can make her laugh or smile. It's hard for us - the family - to accept that we can't make every moment happy. At least we are going through it together and we're able to help her enjoy things SOME of the time...
At this point she is so weakened and crippled by arthritis, especially in one knee, that she can not walk from her room to public areas of the assisted living facility. She is unable to walk, unassisted to meet other residents and refuses to learn her way around. She is isolated and lonely. She feels more alone than ever before in her life and there is nothing we can do about it. We try to visit often, the care givers offer to help her walk but she is unwilling to call them.
This morning I visited Mom and she asked to go home again. I had a pretty bad migraine headache and was quite frustrated after hearing this daily for a week. She has also begun to accuse the aides of intentionally doing the opposite of what she asks which is NOT at all like my mother. I knelt on the floor then sat back on my heels in front of her recliner and broke into tears. Mom apologized and said "I'm sorry to be such a burden..." I told her that it's not a burden but that she must realize that she has severe limitations now and that we just can't take care of her at home. She craves conversation with people she's known for years; the problem is that many of them are dead. Those still living are demented or too deaf to communicate. She wants to share memories and laugh with people who shared her experiences but it is impossible.
Making her totally content is impossible so we must be thankful for moments when we can make her laugh or smile. It's hard for us - the family - to accept that we can't make every moment happy. At least we are going through it together and we're able to help her enjoy things SOME of the time...
Wednesday, May 6, 2009
Why not just move your mom to YOUR new town....
I live 2000 miles from my Mom and travel to see her about every 6 weeks. UGH! It's a scheduling and financial burden but I feel it's best for her. I can't tell you how many times well meaning friends suggested that I move mom closer to me and even implied that I'm a rotten daughter because I didn't do it! Needless to say, those folks are OFF the friends list.... Some friends can't understand why I travel so far so often to see my Mom. Here's my reason for leaving Mom in her home town:
Consider my Mom's condition: 88.5 years old, stiff and weakened from arthritis, and lived in the same house for 63 years. She retained friendships through school and church from the age of 12. She does not have the time to make new, deep friendships and experiences. She is NOT terribly forgetful or demented; she doesn't sleep the whole day away. She remains curious and intellectually aware. I live more than 6 states away from my home town where Mom still lives. It's a different geography, climate and a totally different type of people; they are not welcoming to strangers. Making connections is important to my Mom, it gives her a sense of "rooted-ness"; she could never make those connections if I move her to an ALF where I currently live.
Here's an example of the type of connections I mean: the maintenance supervisor at her ALF is the grandson of my Grandma's friend and neighbor, Mom met him years ago as a teenager. Another resident is the widow of a long-time neighbor and just recently two members of Mom's church congregation moved into her ALF. THESE are important connections that help her feel secure. These connections give her a sense of community within the ALF and thus help make it HOME. She'd never find these if I were to move her 2000 miles away. It's easier for me to travel to see HER rather than force her to live without this sense of connectedness. It's a relief to write about this here; those same snide people who made me feel like a rotten daughter would not take the time to listen to these good reasons. When it's their turn to fill this role, I hope I forget their attitudes and can offer some kind support and wise advice that benefits their parents .
Consider my Mom's condition: 88.5 years old, stiff and weakened from arthritis, and lived in the same house for 63 years. She retained friendships through school and church from the age of 12. She does not have the time to make new, deep friendships and experiences. She is NOT terribly forgetful or demented; she doesn't sleep the whole day away. She remains curious and intellectually aware. I live more than 6 states away from my home town where Mom still lives. It's a different geography, climate and a totally different type of people; they are not welcoming to strangers. Making connections is important to my Mom, it gives her a sense of "rooted-ness"; she could never make those connections if I move her to an ALF where I currently live.
Here's an example of the type of connections I mean: the maintenance supervisor at her ALF is the grandson of my Grandma's friend and neighbor, Mom met him years ago as a teenager. Another resident is the widow of a long-time neighbor and just recently two members of Mom's church congregation moved into her ALF. THESE are important connections that help her feel secure. These connections give her a sense of community within the ALF and thus help make it HOME. She'd never find these if I were to move her 2000 miles away. It's easier for me to travel to see HER rather than force her to live without this sense of connectedness. It's a relief to write about this here; those same snide people who made me feel like a rotten daughter would not take the time to listen to these good reasons. When it's their turn to fill this role, I hope I forget their attitudes and can offer some kind support and wise advice that benefits their parents .
Consider these things about an Assisted Living facility
After hearing that I recently moved my own mother to an assisted living facility (ALF), a friend called to ask about my selection criteria. Given the choices in Mom's home town, the shear low number of options helped narrow the list. I was also lucky enough to have a classmate who works for the state and had some suggestions. I added our concerns in italics:
From Rena D, consider these things and your parents needs:
Transportation & Outings for business and pleasure We wanted to make sure that Mom could go and get some assistance without extra fees
Special diet and food preferences Mom has no allergies but should she have special needs these are met with no extra fees
Extra fees for services Some ALF's nickle and dime residents making financial planning impossible. We chose to move Mom to a one-price ALF because she needs so much help; if she were able to do more for herself then a fee-for-service ALF could be less expensive.
Activities, are these scheduled regularly?
Laundry for Mom, laundry is picked up weekly. I had to put her name or initials on EVERYTHING - socks, sheets, pillows, underwear. It's a pain but will ensure I don't have to replace anything. Some ALFs have daily or twice daily pick up for special needs but you must ask for that.
Staffing Ratio; is there a nurse in the building or on call? Mom's has at least one LPN on 8-5 and one on-call evenings and weekends.
What's included in the monthly rent? cable, phone?
Can you keep your own doctor or must you change? I would be very WARRY of any ALF that required a resident to change doctors. Unless there is some special need, the ALF should be able to work with ANY doctor.
One very strong recommendation: ALWAYS seek the opinion of your parents regular doctor before making a decision on a specific facility. Physicians know the conditions of patients and the type of care they get; they also need to have clear and easy communication with the facility. The physician might not be comfortable telling you past experiences but ask if they would move their own parent to a particular facility.
I had some concerns of my own:
Is there a private dining room where the family can gather with Mom?
Can she keep her own pharmacy? What must the pharmacy do to meet the criteria of the assisted living facility? Mom's ALF requires that all her meds are bubble packed and that the pharmacy deliver them. The family is also required to pick up and deliver any one-off medications. At first they told me we'd have to switch but Mom feels some loyalty to her old pharmacist so I asked if they could meet the ALF's requirements and they said yes. The ALF at first told me we MUST use THEIR pharmacy located in a city two hours away. Such a requirement reeks of conflict of interest to me so I pushed back and went with the local store instead. I promised that if it didn't work out after 3 months we could use their pharmacy but if I saw increases in the costs, we'd have to talk.
How easy is it to take Mom on an outing? In Mom's case, it's very easy, I simply sign her out. But she requires no special equipment or wheel chair. If she will be away more than 5 hours, I check with the nurses desk and they'll give me her regular medications so she stays on schedule. They trust that I'll give the meds to her. I don't know what they'd do if she were taking some highly controlled narcotic - that might be something to ask your local ALF since regulations might change from state to state.
Can I spend the night in Mom's room? Given Mom's epilepsy, I know there will be times when she needs me or someone to stay with her, plus, I just want to be able to hang out with her. Her ALF has a roll away bed that visitors can use any time. I can also join her for meals for a small fee.
Can Mom have food or a coffee maker in her room? Mom loves to play hostess and have coffee and treates at 3pm daily so she keeps these in her room. If she can keep up that routine and include some friends, it will feel more like home to her.
Can we join Mom for activities like bingo or concerts: This ALF welcomes family members for most activities. There are a few events where liability and safety are of concern (and thus the insurance company) like fishing where Mom might have to ride in their bus but we can meet them at their destination and join in.
From Rena D, consider these things and your parents needs:
Transportation & Outings for business and pleasure We wanted to make sure that Mom could go and get some assistance without extra fees
Special diet and food preferences Mom has no allergies but should she have special needs these are met with no extra fees
Extra fees for services Some ALF's nickle and dime residents making financial planning impossible. We chose to move Mom to a one-price ALF because she needs so much help; if she were able to do more for herself then a fee-for-service ALF could be less expensive.
Activities, are these scheduled regularly?
Laundry for Mom, laundry is picked up weekly. I had to put her name or initials on EVERYTHING - socks, sheets, pillows, underwear. It's a pain but will ensure I don't have to replace anything. Some ALFs have daily or twice daily pick up for special needs but you must ask for that.
Staffing Ratio; is there a nurse in the building or on call? Mom's has at least one LPN on 8-5 and one on-call evenings and weekends.
What's included in the monthly rent? cable, phone?
Can you keep your own doctor or must you change? I would be very WARRY of any ALF that required a resident to change doctors. Unless there is some special need, the ALF should be able to work with ANY doctor.
One very strong recommendation: ALWAYS seek the opinion of your parents regular doctor before making a decision on a specific facility. Physicians know the conditions of patients and the type of care they get; they also need to have clear and easy communication with the facility. The physician might not be comfortable telling you past experiences but ask if they would move their own parent to a particular facility.
I had some concerns of my own:
Is there a private dining room where the family can gather with Mom?
Can she keep her own pharmacy? What must the pharmacy do to meet the criteria of the assisted living facility? Mom's ALF requires that all her meds are bubble packed and that the pharmacy deliver them. The family is also required to pick up and deliver any one-off medications. At first they told me we'd have to switch but Mom feels some loyalty to her old pharmacist so I asked if they could meet the ALF's requirements and they said yes. The ALF at first told me we MUST use THEIR pharmacy located in a city two hours away. Such a requirement reeks of conflict of interest to me so I pushed back and went with the local store instead. I promised that if it didn't work out after 3 months we could use their pharmacy but if I saw increases in the costs, we'd have to talk.
How easy is it to take Mom on an outing? In Mom's case, it's very easy, I simply sign her out. But she requires no special equipment or wheel chair. If she will be away more than 5 hours, I check with the nurses desk and they'll give me her regular medications so she stays on schedule. They trust that I'll give the meds to her. I don't know what they'd do if she were taking some highly controlled narcotic - that might be something to ask your local ALF since regulations might change from state to state.
Can I spend the night in Mom's room? Given Mom's epilepsy, I know there will be times when she needs me or someone to stay with her, plus, I just want to be able to hang out with her. Her ALF has a roll away bed that visitors can use any time. I can also join her for meals for a small fee.
Can Mom have food or a coffee maker in her room? Mom loves to play hostess and have coffee and treates at 3pm daily so she keeps these in her room. If she can keep up that routine and include some friends, it will feel more like home to her.
Can we join Mom for activities like bingo or concerts: This ALF welcomes family members for most activities. There are a few events where liability and safety are of concern (and thus the insurance company) like fishing where Mom might have to ride in their bus but we can meet them at their destination and join in.
Monday, April 27, 2009
Forcing Mom to settle in...
It's been several days since I was able to leave comments here; I was just too busy. Since my last post, I got Mom settled, talked her down after another distraught day; cleaned her house for my brother; made banking arrangements and bought many things she needs in her little apartment.
Mom's been in the assisted living facility for 11 days now and she sounds a bit better on the phone. We left her on Friday morning to spend time with some cousins and return to my home in Indiana for 2-3 weeks. It was very difficult to say good bye and leave her in the hands of others but it was necessary for her sake and mine. She must adjust and get acquainted and I need to get my own affairs back on track.
I need to get some paying work done and - most important of all - spend some quality time with my husband, Dan. He has been so loving and supportive; I could not have done this without him. I'd been at Mom's for two weeks trying to get things arranged when he arrived from Indiana. He spent three weeks there with me, organizing, fixing things at Moms, lifting new TVs, hanging pictures, moving furniture and mowing. He shopped with me and told me I was doing the right thing. When I feel the most guilty, he tells me it's necessary. "You would not allow a four year old to remain in an unsafe situation; this is very similar. Your mom is not able to be realistic so you must do it for her..." Intellectually I know this but he verbalizes it when others won't. He doesn't want to say anything harsh but knows just when I need to hear it.
As for Mom, her own phone seems to help a lot. She's placed a couple of calls and I've called Mom daily since it was turned on. She also began working with a physical therapist which gets her moving and gives her some company. Mom told me about a woman, Edith, who speaks to her at meals. Edith says hello but doesn't come early or stay late to chat. I hope Mom will invite her to her room for coffee and cookies or to sit in the sunshine; it could be just what both of them need! I just can't imagine just sitting there waiting for the next meal without trying to find something that makes me feel alive! I pray that Mom finds some motivation to get engaged and that she can pull some of these other residents along with her.
Mom's been in the assisted living facility for 11 days now and she sounds a bit better on the phone. We left her on Friday morning to spend time with some cousins and return to my home in Indiana for 2-3 weeks. It was very difficult to say good bye and leave her in the hands of others but it was necessary for her sake and mine. She must adjust and get acquainted and I need to get my own affairs back on track.
I need to get some paying work done and - most important of all - spend some quality time with my husband, Dan. He has been so loving and supportive; I could not have done this without him. I'd been at Mom's for two weeks trying to get things arranged when he arrived from Indiana. He spent three weeks there with me, organizing, fixing things at Moms, lifting new TVs, hanging pictures, moving furniture and mowing. He shopped with me and told me I was doing the right thing. When I feel the most guilty, he tells me it's necessary. "You would not allow a four year old to remain in an unsafe situation; this is very similar. Your mom is not able to be realistic so you must do it for her..." Intellectually I know this but he verbalizes it when others won't. He doesn't want to say anything harsh but knows just when I need to hear it.
As for Mom, her own phone seems to help a lot. She's placed a couple of calls and I've called Mom daily since it was turned on. She also began working with a physical therapist which gets her moving and gives her some company. Mom told me about a woman, Edith, who speaks to her at meals. Edith says hello but doesn't come early or stay late to chat. I hope Mom will invite her to her room for coffee and cookies or to sit in the sunshine; it could be just what both of them need! I just can't imagine just sitting there waiting for the next meal without trying to find something that makes me feel alive! I pray that Mom finds some motivation to get engaged and that she can pull some of these other residents along with her.
Tuesday, April 21, 2009
Day 7, a really tough day...
Day 7 at Assisted Living...and today was really rough. Mom was feeling despondent and like she was on the verge of a seizure but a treat, a chat with an old neighbor and another with an old acquaintance helped.
Mom's had epilepsy since a stroke during my birth. She has grand mal seizures under two conditions: high anxiety situations or a lower than desirable level of dilantin, her anti-seizure medication. When she feels a seizure coming on she gets scared which elevates her anxiety and exasterbates the situation. Often these may be stopped if she gets some rest or if we can quickly make her anxiety go away. The latter is usually impossible.
When I arrived at her apartment about 11am, she was crying in the bathroom. "I don't belong here with these dunderheads! None of them can hold a conversation. I want to go home.!" I felt a rush of emotions - anger, worry, saddness and frustration. I feel an enormous sense of guilt when I feel angry or frustrated with her. Even writing about my emotions here makes me feel guilty - this should all be about HER. It's a huge change for HER, SHE needs the support. SHE needs the adjustment; She must be comfortable. But - she trusts me and relies on me for help with business matters and emotional support more so than anyone else. Sometimes it's too much - I can't take care of two households and a full time job. It's a lot to do and I can't ask for much help from family for a variety of reasons. I'm not trying to be a martyr - I'm too lazy for THAT.
So - what to do for Mom without moving her... I did the thing that would distract a little kid - I plied her with soda pop and junk food. I loaded her onto her walker/seat and took her out in the sunshine to have a cold drink, BBQ chips and watch the valley view. We talked for a while and as her voice grew stronger, I reminded her of my brothers health problems. I wanted to spare her this conversation so that she'll concentrate on herself but this situation pushed me into it.
For more than 10 years my brother lived at her home. While he was helpful at first, over the past 3 years, I've watched his behavior deteriorate to verbal abuse, impatience and down right meaness. He drinks more than ever and, as a heavy smoker, he can't walk across the yard without stopping to catch his breath. His health issues make it impossible for him to care about anyone else. After only a few days we see a huge sense of relief in him now that she's living elsewhere. I had to tell Mom that he can barely take care of himself now so helping her will just make him deteriorate faster. She seemed shocked but understood.
About this time, a high school classmate, Sue, strolled by with her elderly father, Jim, during a tour of the facility. He is considering a move from his home to a studio down the hall from MOM. After introductions, the elders found some common ground. MOM and DAD purchased their first Philco refridgerator from Jim just after WW2. Jim grew up in North Dakota, the same state as my Mom and Jim remembered making my dad a great deal on a 1940-something Hudson sedan. This is the reason I wanted Mom to remain in her home town instead of moving with me to S Indiana. These sort of connections give her a sense of belonging, of rootedness and comfort. It is just what she needed.
Now to help her find it again.... tomorrow and the next day and the next.... I hope to help her find them on her own because soon I must return to my own home and work. I got a list of other residents and tomorrow we'll go over it and wheel around to their room and look them up. God, I hope they can carry on a conversation!
Mom's had epilepsy since a stroke during my birth. She has grand mal seizures under two conditions: high anxiety situations or a lower than desirable level of dilantin, her anti-seizure medication. When she feels a seizure coming on she gets scared which elevates her anxiety and exasterbates the situation. Often these may be stopped if she gets some rest or if we can quickly make her anxiety go away. The latter is usually impossible.
When I arrived at her apartment about 11am, she was crying in the bathroom. "I don't belong here with these dunderheads! None of them can hold a conversation. I want to go home.!" I felt a rush of emotions - anger, worry, saddness and frustration. I feel an enormous sense of guilt when I feel angry or frustrated with her. Even writing about my emotions here makes me feel guilty - this should all be about HER. It's a huge change for HER, SHE needs the support. SHE needs the adjustment; She must be comfortable. But - she trusts me and relies on me for help with business matters and emotional support more so than anyone else. Sometimes it's too much - I can't take care of two households and a full time job. It's a lot to do and I can't ask for much help from family for a variety of reasons. I'm not trying to be a martyr - I'm too lazy for THAT.
So - what to do for Mom without moving her... I did the thing that would distract a little kid - I plied her with soda pop and junk food. I loaded her onto her walker/seat and took her out in the sunshine to have a cold drink, BBQ chips and watch the valley view. We talked for a while and as her voice grew stronger, I reminded her of my brothers health problems. I wanted to spare her this conversation so that she'll concentrate on herself but this situation pushed me into it.
For more than 10 years my brother lived at her home. While he was helpful at first, over the past 3 years, I've watched his behavior deteriorate to verbal abuse, impatience and down right meaness. He drinks more than ever and, as a heavy smoker, he can't walk across the yard without stopping to catch his breath. His health issues make it impossible for him to care about anyone else. After only a few days we see a huge sense of relief in him now that she's living elsewhere. I had to tell Mom that he can barely take care of himself now so helping her will just make him deteriorate faster. She seemed shocked but understood.
About this time, a high school classmate, Sue, strolled by with her elderly father, Jim, during a tour of the facility. He is considering a move from his home to a studio down the hall from MOM. After introductions, the elders found some common ground. MOM and DAD purchased their first Philco refridgerator from Jim just after WW2. Jim grew up in North Dakota, the same state as my Mom and Jim remembered making my dad a great deal on a 1940-something Hudson sedan. This is the reason I wanted Mom to remain in her home town instead of moving with me to S Indiana. These sort of connections give her a sense of belonging, of rootedness and comfort. It is just what she needed.
Now to help her find it again.... tomorrow and the next day and the next.... I hope to help her find them on her own because soon I must return to my own home and work. I got a list of other residents and tomorrow we'll go over it and wheel around to their room and look them up. God, I hope they can carry on a conversation!
Saturday, April 18, 2009
She's moved..
Well, it's done; mom is moved but it still doesn't feel real. I told her on Tuesday that movers would arrive at 1pm on the 15th to move some of her things to an assisted living center. We both cried but she realized that it was time. We just can't do enough for her at home and it's not safe for her. The movers took her things and we distracted her with a big family meal, plans about what to move first and which most sentimental things she would take.
On Thursday, we had an 11am check in time so I let her sleep in then we rushed to make the 11am appointment. It was manipulative of me but I didn't want to give her time to think about it or feel really sad the morning of her last day at home. Check in was like visiting a doctors office for the first time. We sat in a large open office, the "Wellness Room", and I spoke with the LPNs and aides who dispense pills. I explained her medical scenario, how her seizures may progress and what too look for. They listened politely but I really don't feel confident that they'll follow my advice. They might treat a lot of people but they've never treated MY MOM before; they have little experience with epileptics. I feel like a parent fighting for the proper care of a child - experiences that are parallel I suppose..... Since she moved in, I've had to give too many reminders about some important details. Her commode should be emptied each morning, she must take her dilantin with meals or she'll get heartburn; she will not ask forhelp to get to meals so please go get her.... These are all things that were promised in my initial discussions with the directors and managers. I'm hoping it was NOT just part sales pitch and that they really DO care that MY MOM is adjusting and getting the care she is DEARLY paying for.
The afternoon of night one, Mom began to have spasms in her back and hip. The arthritis seems to be pinching nerves in her back. Neither of us slept more than 4 hours. The aides were good about bringing her breakfast and lunch to her room. They even added extra servings to her tray for me. MOM was so uncomfortable all night and into the morning that I called her doctor to schedule an appointment for Monday. They also called in some prescriptions that helped her relax and given that, she got a good night of sleep in night two. She asked me to stay that night as well. I was kept awake again but by snoring rather than her discomfort. I didn't mind loosing the sleep since it meant she was comfortable.
One important lesson when moving a parent: Tell their physicians office and then call them a couple of more times to tell them again. Tell them at least one month prior to the move. I thought one call to MOM's doctor's office was enough. It was not. A nurse really chewed me out because they didn't realize MOM was moved and they were concerned how she would get new medications. We worked it out but they were not happy with me. Never assume the staff within a clinic or doctor's office communicate between each other. Tell them then call back and speak to someone else and tell them again.
On Thursday, we had an 11am check in time so I let her sleep in then we rushed to make the 11am appointment. It was manipulative of me but I didn't want to give her time to think about it or feel really sad the morning of her last day at home. Check in was like visiting a doctors office for the first time. We sat in a large open office, the "Wellness Room", and I spoke with the LPNs and aides who dispense pills. I explained her medical scenario, how her seizures may progress and what too look for. They listened politely but I really don't feel confident that they'll follow my advice. They might treat a lot of people but they've never treated MY MOM before; they have little experience with epileptics. I feel like a parent fighting for the proper care of a child - experiences that are parallel I suppose..... Since she moved in, I've had to give too many reminders about some important details. Her commode should be emptied each morning, she must take her dilantin with meals or she'll get heartburn; she will not ask forhelp to get to meals so please go get her.... These are all things that were promised in my initial discussions with the directors and managers. I'm hoping it was NOT just part sales pitch and that they really DO care that MY MOM is adjusting and getting the care she is DEARLY paying for.
The afternoon of night one, Mom began to have spasms in her back and hip. The arthritis seems to be pinching nerves in her back. Neither of us slept more than 4 hours. The aides were good about bringing her breakfast and lunch to her room. They even added extra servings to her tray for me. MOM was so uncomfortable all night and into the morning that I called her doctor to schedule an appointment for Monday. They also called in some prescriptions that helped her relax and given that, she got a good night of sleep in night two. She asked me to stay that night as well. I was kept awake again but by snoring rather than her discomfort. I didn't mind loosing the sleep since it meant she was comfortable.
One important lesson when moving a parent: Tell their physicians office and then call them a couple of more times to tell them again. Tell them at least one month prior to the move. I thought one call to MOM's doctor's office was enough. It was not. A nurse really chewed me out because they didn't realize MOM was moved and they were concerned how she would get new medications. We worked it out but they were not happy with me. Never assume the staff within a clinic or doctor's office communicate between each other. Tell them then call back and speak to someone else and tell them again.
Monday, April 6, 2009
More safety tips for elderly parents at home
Ah - a few minutes to myself in the afternoon sunshine... So I'll take the time to write a few more things that we've done to make Mom's home safer:
Turn down the water heater: Mom's skin is quite thin and so seems more sensitive to hot, cold, pressure and even rough surfaces. To prevent burns we turned down the hot water heater to 100 degrees. It seems cool to me but she's quite comfortable in the shower; the tub is not an option any longer since she can't get out of it.
Drawers and drawer pulls: We replaced the drawer pulls on Mom's cabinets and bedroom furniture so it's easier for her to open the drawers with swollen bent fingers.
Use easy glide drawers, automatic closing drawers or drawer stops: Innovations in cabinetry make for safer kitchens. See your local home improvement store for these gadgets that make for easier opening and closing.
Sort through drawers and remove heavy items and clutter: Remove heavy clutter and, if possible, move the most used things to the front of drawers. This prevents a situation where a heavy drawer is pulled out to far and falls onto the floor or worse yet, an arthritic foot.
Use rubber shower pads in the shower and out: We got a couple of rubber shower mats - the kind with the little suction cups on the back - and installed one inside the shower stall and on the floor where Mom walks most. This helps her get traction getting into and out of the shower. The mat we found - at KMart - has a sort of beveled edge so that it gradually rises from the floor, suction cups ensure it won't slip.
Use rubber shower pad between a bed and commode or potty chair: The same rubber shower mat mentioned prevents falls when Mom gets up during the night. Placed on the slick hardwood floor right where she steps out of bed to turn and use a commode.
Replace buttons with snaps or velcro: Mom can no longer slip buttons into button holes, arthritis has robbed her fine motor skills. I stitched all the button holes closed, applied large snaps to the garments then stitched the buttons OVER the top of the old button hole so it appears as thought she's wearing her usual button front blouses. Your local one-stop fabric & sewing shop should have tools that help apply snaps so you can save time stitching things together.
Turn down the water heater: Mom's skin is quite thin and so seems more sensitive to hot, cold, pressure and even rough surfaces. To prevent burns we turned down the hot water heater to 100 degrees. It seems cool to me but she's quite comfortable in the shower; the tub is not an option any longer since she can't get out of it.
Drawers and drawer pulls: We replaced the drawer pulls on Mom's cabinets and bedroom furniture so it's easier for her to open the drawers with swollen bent fingers.
Use easy glide drawers, automatic closing drawers or drawer stops: Innovations in cabinetry make for safer kitchens. See your local home improvement store for these gadgets that make for easier opening and closing.
Sort through drawers and remove heavy items and clutter: Remove heavy clutter and, if possible, move the most used things to the front of drawers. This prevents a situation where a heavy drawer is pulled out to far and falls onto the floor or worse yet, an arthritic foot.
Use rubber shower pads in the shower and out: We got a couple of rubber shower mats - the kind with the little suction cups on the back - and installed one inside the shower stall and on the floor where Mom walks most. This helps her get traction getting into and out of the shower. The mat we found - at KMart - has a sort of beveled edge so that it gradually rises from the floor, suction cups ensure it won't slip.
Use rubber shower pad between a bed and commode or potty chair: The same rubber shower mat mentioned prevents falls when Mom gets up during the night. Placed on the slick hardwood floor right where she steps out of bed to turn and use a commode.
Replace buttons with snaps or velcro: Mom can no longer slip buttons into button holes, arthritis has robbed her fine motor skills. I stitched all the button holes closed, applied large snaps to the garments then stitched the buttons OVER the top of the old button hole so it appears as thought she's wearing her usual button front blouses. Your local one-stop fabric & sewing shop should have tools that help apply snaps so you can save time stitching things together.
Making a safe home for mom
As my mom gets more frail due to osteoporosis and arthritis I've tried to make her home safer to reduce the chance of falls, bumps, bruises and minor mishaps. Her situation is complicated because she uses a walker due to a bum knee, is blind in one eye and has become gradually weaker. As she's aged we make adjustments to enable her to continue to do things for herself; often these are not attractive alterations but it's more important to make her home safe. We hope to help maintain her independence, dignity, self-worth and to help her feel that an aging body is not robbing her of self-control.
These ideas below are in NO WAY meant to be professional full-proof measures but are just a few things we did at my mothers home as adjustments to help her. To avoid getting sued, I suppose I MUST say: Try these things at your own risk. Consider your own knowledge on use of tools and hardware before trying to do it yourself. Don't attempt something you are not familiar with; it's better to pay a professional to do it right the first time rather than have incur more expense and disruption later.
Here is a list of things that my family and I have done around Mom's home:
Remove area rugs. This prevents tripping over folds and eliminates one more thing to clean. Even if the rug remains flat, it can be a trip hazard. Old folks often can't lift their legs high when they walk, they tend to shuffle. That small 1/2" rise is enough to catch a toe or heel and cause a fall.
Be sure cabinet doors close: Open cabinet doors are right at eye or knee level, if they hang open it's one more thing to bump into. Sharp or pointed edges can crack or break a bone if someone falls against it. We installed magnetized gizmo's to hold the doors closed. As mom got older the magnets were too strong and she didn't have strength to open the door so I applied tape to the magnets to weaken their hold; it was enough to keep the door closed yet Mom could still pull it open.
Stabilize appliances: Mom once lost her balance as she pulled the fridge door open; the whole thing began to tip over. Luckily my nephew was there and big enough to catch her with one arm and push the fridge back with the other (he's a 6'5" hunk with strong arms and back). We solved this problem by nailing a 2X4 board across the front of the fridge; my husband drove very long screws through the board and into the toe kick of the cabinets. We painted it to match the cabinetry so it's not ugly. Since many refridgerators are deeper than cabinets this might not work in all situations. Other options we considered were a metal bracket that attached to the side or top of the fridge and then to a stud in the wall or even a strap around the top of the fridge and attached to the wall. The 2X4 was the "least ugly" of these solutions and most acceptable to Mom.
Check other appliances for stability: Wiggle other appliances to judge their stability. Consider the stove or dryer - anything where your elder could hang one, lean or fall on the open door. Front loading washers are not as big a worry since their weight is mainly on the bottom of the appliance which makes it more stable.
Get appliances on the living level: Mom's washer / dryer was in her basement and the stairs were a huge worry for us especially if she tried to carry anything. We converted a linen closet to a laundry closet and moved these up stairs.
Secure other furniture to walls with brackets: cook cases, china cupboards, curio cabinets - anything that might be top heavy and fall over when used as a hand hold. All it takes is a small "L" bracket and a couple of screws. Or, move heavy objects from upper shelves to the bottom shelves.
Get a taller toilet: Often our elders have a hard time getting up from low seats. Given that, the bathroom poses a huge problem. They are alone, exposed and it's often in tight quarters. A taller toilet enables them to more easily raise up from a seated position, installation of a grab bar to pull with their arms can help even further. Other options like a "riser" - a plastic toilet shaped device that fits over the toilet - are possible but these are hard to clean which creates another set of issues. Don't get a toilet that's too tall or they can't get on it in the first place.
Bathroom hand holds: Install grab bars near the toilet, shower or tub. If you notice that they hold on to a towel rod to walk across the bathroom, ensure that it is securely fastened to a stud in the wall; don't trust the little 1/2" screws that come with the towel bars. After we noticed that the towel bar was loose, we replaced it with a real grab bar; it does double duty for towels and to steady Mom.
That's it for now - I have many other tricks and I'll share those as time permits.
These ideas below are in NO WAY meant to be professional full-proof measures but are just a few things we did at my mothers home as adjustments to help her. To avoid getting sued, I suppose I MUST say: Try these things at your own risk. Consider your own knowledge on use of tools and hardware before trying to do it yourself. Don't attempt something you are not familiar with; it's better to pay a professional to do it right the first time rather than have incur more expense and disruption later.
Here is a list of things that my family and I have done around Mom's home:
Remove area rugs. This prevents tripping over folds and eliminates one more thing to clean. Even if the rug remains flat, it can be a trip hazard. Old folks often can't lift their legs high when they walk, they tend to shuffle. That small 1/2" rise is enough to catch a toe or heel and cause a fall.
Be sure cabinet doors close: Open cabinet doors are right at eye or knee level, if they hang open it's one more thing to bump into. Sharp or pointed edges can crack or break a bone if someone falls against it. We installed magnetized gizmo's to hold the doors closed. As mom got older the magnets were too strong and she didn't have strength to open the door so I applied tape to the magnets to weaken their hold; it was enough to keep the door closed yet Mom could still pull it open.
Stabilize appliances: Mom once lost her balance as she pulled the fridge door open; the whole thing began to tip over. Luckily my nephew was there and big enough to catch her with one arm and push the fridge back with the other (he's a 6'5" hunk with strong arms and back). We solved this problem by nailing a 2X4 board across the front of the fridge; my husband drove very long screws through the board and into the toe kick of the cabinets. We painted it to match the cabinetry so it's not ugly. Since many refridgerators are deeper than cabinets this might not work in all situations. Other options we considered were a metal bracket that attached to the side or top of the fridge and then to a stud in the wall or even a strap around the top of the fridge and attached to the wall. The 2X4 was the "least ugly" of these solutions and most acceptable to Mom.
Check other appliances for stability: Wiggle other appliances to judge their stability. Consider the stove or dryer - anything where your elder could hang one, lean or fall on the open door. Front loading washers are not as big a worry since their weight is mainly on the bottom of the appliance which makes it more stable.
Get appliances on the living level: Mom's washer / dryer was in her basement and the stairs were a huge worry for us especially if she tried to carry anything. We converted a linen closet to a laundry closet and moved these up stairs.
Secure other furniture to walls with brackets: cook cases, china cupboards, curio cabinets - anything that might be top heavy and fall over when used as a hand hold. All it takes is a small "L" bracket and a couple of screws. Or, move heavy objects from upper shelves to the bottom shelves.
Get a taller toilet: Often our elders have a hard time getting up from low seats. Given that, the bathroom poses a huge problem. They are alone, exposed and it's often in tight quarters. A taller toilet enables them to more easily raise up from a seated position, installation of a grab bar to pull with their arms can help even further. Other options like a "riser" - a plastic toilet shaped device that fits over the toilet - are possible but these are hard to clean which creates another set of issues. Don't get a toilet that's too tall or they can't get on it in the first place.
Bathroom hand holds: Install grab bars near the toilet, shower or tub. If you notice that they hold on to a towel rod to walk across the bathroom, ensure that it is securely fastened to a stud in the wall; don't trust the little 1/2" screws that come with the towel bars. After we noticed that the towel bar was loose, we replaced it with a real grab bar; it does double duty for towels and to steady Mom.
That's it for now - I have many other tricks and I'll share those as time permits.
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