Friday, September 18, 2009

Feel the frustration then let it go

I find myself cussing a lot these days - I cuss silently, I cuss out loud, I send curses to others. "Stupid bastards" has become my favorite thing to say. Mom frustrates me, others frustrate me. Dealing with elderly parents and anyone associated with your parent or their needs IS very frustrating. Mom can't hear me on the phone and I'm tired of yelling into a piece of plastic. Calls don't get returned; people transpose numbers on her insurance claims...etc., etc.... there are thousands of examples but what it boils down to is that others just don't have the same sense of urgency that I feel. They have other customers, patients, kids, jobs and all that to deal with so it means that they get to me - or my Mom - when it's possible and that's not always on my timeline. In my last post, I spoke about control and since this is not something I can control, I've had to learn a new strategy: I feel the frustration. I cuss. I complain out loud ( often only to myself ). I let myself feel the anger, the disappointment and I say "Damn, this is maddening, frustrating - I'm ticked OFF!" Then I'm able to let it go. This was hard at first and it takes practice; after 6 months I'm able to do it.

I can't pretend this stuff doesn't bother me. I can't pretend that everything is A-okay and smile sweetly. It's not okay; often I'm not okay and that's, well - OKAY. It's much easier for me to deal with all of this if I say that I'm frustrated or angry and let it be - let ME be - for a while. It's easier to cool off and then go back at it and do what I need to do.