Wednesday, December 23, 2009

Mom's missing Christmas chaos and it upsets her

We got to my home town and Mom's apartment this evening.  I stayed and visited for three hours over coffee and holiday cookies.   Mom mentioned three times that she ought to be home baking, decorating and getting ready for company.  Of course, I gently told her that she just can't be at home anymore, she needs too much help.  The second time she said it, I realized that she's sorry she CAN'T do it anymore.   It's not that she isn't HOME, she can't bake, she can't put up decorations; she wants a houseful of people to tend to again.   I know how much I enjoy entertaining and I learned it from her.  For her to NOT be involved makes her feel awful and so very old and incapable.   I don't know how she can stand it.  I fear how I'll handle it when it's my turn.

So tonight, rather than feeling the joy of the season, I'm feeling so bad for my sweet little mom.  I don't want her to feel that she has nothing to contribute.  I don't want her to feel ignored and abandoned.  Tomorrow we'll take her, her walker, her wheel chair and bundle her up for a ride to my sister-in-laws house.  We'll get her settled at the kitchen table, get her set up to peel potatoes or something else and help her feel like she's part of things still.  She'll be slow, we'll probably have to do half the job but it's worth it to make her feel good again even for an evening.